“Ghosting” is a phenomenon that happens in the dating community. It occurs for various reason and no one is exempt from it.
First, what does the term “ghost” mean? No, it has nothing to do with an actual ghost like Casper. The very credible source, the Urban Dictionary, describes it as “the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just 'get the hint' and leave the subject alone … Ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.”
It’s a term that has been around since 2013 but didn’t gain popularity until recently. Now, a person can either be the ghost or the ghostee in a situation. Many people eventually experience both sides. There are major differences between what it feels like to go through the ghosting process when you are the ghost and when you’re the ghostee.
When you’re the ghost.
You meet a cool guy and you start talking.
The initial meeting is great, and you think of all the possibilities and where the relationship can go.
You start hanging out with him.
You go on little dates or you just Netflix and chill, and everything is going great.
Something goes wrong.
It could be as simple as your personalities just don’t match or there’s no spark. Or maybe he’s a stage five clinger. Or you realize you just don’t like him as much as you thought you would.
You decide to cut him off.
You start texting him less and less and find excuses not to hang out. You don’t want to hurt his feelings, but you also don’t want to lead him on by continuing to see him.
You go cold turkey.
Now you pretend like he doesn’t exist. You ignore all texts and calls. “He’ll get the hint and leave me alone eventually” is what you think to yourself.
All contact has stopped.
You have successfully ghosted on him and you are most likely on to the next guy, seeing where that goes.
When you’re the ghostee.
You meet a cool guy and you start talking.
He seems really nice and you can’t wait to get to know him more.
You start hanging out with him.
You start to really like him. It seems like you guys just mesh together. You go on cute little dates together, and you can see this relationship going somewhere.
You decide to tell him you really like him.
You try to have “the talk” with him and see where this is going. He gives you a vague answer but doesn’t tell you that he wants to stop seeing you. So you keep pursuing him.
He stops texting you as frequently.
He seems distant and doesn’t talk to you as much. There always seems to be an excuse when you ask him to hang out. Things just aren’t the same anymore.
He ignores you.
You haven’t spoken in days or weeks, and you begin to think you’re being ghosted on (you are) and maybe you should back off.
All contact has stopped.
You finally move on because it is clear he wasn’t interested, so you move on to the next guy and see where it goes with him.
Now, being the ghost doesn’t mean you’re a bad person (although it is nicer to actually tell the person that you’re not that into him). And being the ghostee doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It just means that he wasn’t the one for you. Whether you’re the ghost or the ghostee, just remember, if it doesn’t fit, don’t force it. When it’s right, it’ll work out.
