There’s only one thing that we are ALL guaranteed in this life: death. Despite this inevitable stage of life, learning to deal with the loss of a loved one is anything but an average day. When someone that you loved, cherished, and adored dies, it becomes difficult to accept regardless of the circumstances. But when that death was unexpected or preventable… well, it makes it all the more painful.
Four months ago, I lost one of my classmates to suicide. Hearing the news that someone who took his own life 2 hours after I last talked to him creates a whole new definition to the meaning of “shock.” My classmates and I learned to move on together, but as so many others who have lost a loved one know, there is not a day that goes by where I haven’t thought of him. When we encounter death, especially a sudden one, we often only focus on the things that we lose. We lose our friend. We lose our laughs. We lose our crazy moments that can not be recreated. These loses are all undeniable, but through death we also gain new insights that will carry on for the rest of our lives. We can all focus on the losses, easily. But where does that get us? Maybe, by focusing on the new insights we gain through an unexpected loss of life, we can find a better way to cope with the unavoidable truth that death brings to our lives.
The first thing we gain through the loss of a loved one is a heightened sense of love for your own life. It’s so easy to forget the true gift we are given with each breath we take in this world. When things don’t go the way you planned, you begin to have this unbearable disgust for your future. You find yourself just going through the motions of daily actions, and not fulfilling the true desires of life. But when someone unexpectedly passes away, it reminds us how unpredictable this world is. We aren’t guaranteed tomorrow. Savor every moment, live through every breath, and cherish the relationships you have. My friend used to beg me to go out and do more things than I was used to. He knew I was someone who loved to spend Friday nights snuggled away with a new book, and he always made me promise him that I would party with him before we left for college. Unfortunately, that party never came, but I realized he was right. I can’t shy away from life experiences and friendships that may seem intimidating at first. We only get one shot at this life, and there are no do-overs. We can’t recreate a friendship, experience, or life now that it may become convenient for us.
The next thing that we can gain in the darkness of death is that showing someone love is the greatest gift we can give to each other. The sudden loss of life emphasizes how important it is that our loved ones always know they are cherished. Life is unexpected, and I would hate that someone I care about would leave this world not knowing my unconditional love for them. Showing love doesn’t mean an obligatory, “Love You,” while hanging up the phone. It can be in your smile, your embrace, or even through a Snapchat. My friend and I promised each other that we would Snapchat everyday, until we got to the 100 Day Streak. Everyday, he reminded me that he cared about me through his funny remarks and competitive football stats on Snapchat. We may not have said it, but the mutual love between us was felt everyday.
And finally, we gain a new love for those who have passed on. It’s natural for us to assume that just because a person’s heart ceases to beat, that the memories will begin to dissipate. But often times, it will only make them stronger. Someone’s influence on your life is not dependent on whether they are physically with us. By remembering the best of that person, and vowing to live your life in their memory, a part of them never really dies. For me, my friend still affects me to this day. Before he was called to a better place, he used to call me his “angel.” He’d write letters to me like that, text me like that, and even say that when he hugged me. I never understood it, but it became his name for me almost immediately after we became friends. However, the day when I realized I wouldn’t be receiving any more Snapchats from my Seahawks loving friend, it finally hit me. He would call me his angel, but ultimately, he became mine.
