At some point in our lives, we've all experienced the ugliest of pain there is, and that is, depression. Each and every single one of us have. Perhaps it was short-lived, and you didn't even know what it was before you were able to pull yourself out of it. Maybe you know more about depression that I do, because you've dealt with it more often than not. Maybe you're experiencing it, yet you have no idea what exactly it is you're feeling, all you know is that it's awful, and you wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy. It can rear up at any moment of your life; more often than not, the worst times. It could be the result of the death of a loved one, the loss of love, a job, or something important to you. It could be because you've failed at something you've put everything into, such as: school, a relationship, a friend or family member. You might have lost an opportunity to thrive, and now all you want to do is sulk in your misery, and take out your sadness on the world.
I am one person who can contest that depression is very real, very serious, but also, survivable. Depression doesn't have to be what you think. You don't have to feel hopeless, or hateful. There IS a way out. .
There are a few things every depressed person hates hearing, yet will eventually appreciate. I'm not writing this to give you "the secret," to fixing all of your problems. I'm here to tell you that depression is hard. Very hard, but you CAN survive. Believe it or not, you will.
Stop blaming yourself. I have known people that have made me feel like the way that I was feeling was MY fault, but that is the farthest thing from the truth. In fact, if depression is so utterly terrible, why would anyone inflict it upon themselves? How can something so terrible be brought on by yourself? Depression is not a blame game. If you want the scientific definition, depression is a mental illness, an actual chemical imbalance in your brain. It is treatable with medication, and counseling. For the not-so-by-the-book thought, depression is uncontrollable. After hearing these things, are you trying to find a culprit against your feelings? Don't. Things happen. Failure happens. Hurt happens, and no matter what you're told about preventing depression, or having an indestructible mindset, please remember my words. You cannot control this.
If you've been dating your boyfriend for 10 years, and all of a sudden, he leaves you because you tell him you want to be married, and he doesn't agree, stop telling yourself you were wrong for that. If you are fired from a job you went to college for for 8 years, because you voiced your opinion, or stood up against a corrupt system, stop telling yourself that you "should have kept your mouth shut." Those are your hopes and dreams. Your thoughts and feelings. Your values and you have NOTHING to apologize for.
Stop letting other people tell you it's okay. Stop telling yourself, or letting other people tell you to "get over it." Actually, if someone were to tell me that right now, I might just smack them across the face. What you're dealing with is so much bigger than you. The feelings you have are more raw now than ever, and "getting over it," takes time. Weeks, maybe months, maybe years. Like I said, I can't offer you a quick fix. Depression doesn't go away overnight. It just doesn't. So cry, kick, scream, whatever you must do. Just remember you're one step closer to "getting over it," and it is unrealistic to think you can do that right now.
Stop criticizing yourself. The entire world is out to criticize you. Even your pastor at church is criticizing you every Sunday! Sometimes, we need a little bit of that, but there is a difference between good criticism and bad criticism. Please stop looking into the mirror and pointing the parts of yourself that aren't good enough for you. Stop telling yourself you aren't good enough because someone won't talk to you. We get enough of this each and every single day, but when you put yourself down on your own terms, your result will never be good. Instead, fearlessly, and LOVE yourself fiercely; without limits, or boundaries. Love each and every part of yourself. Every flaw, every detail. Put yourself first. You need your own love more than you need anybody else's.
What I can confidently tell you, from the bottom of my heart, is that depression does not last a lifetime. Healing will happen. You will not hurt forever, and there ARE better days to come. It may not look like it right now. You might be reading this thinking "Just another bullsh**t article. What I am facing has no way out," but if I never tell the truth again, just believe me when I say, you can survive, and when you do, you'll be unstoppable.
So do whatever you have to. Take as long as you need to. Keep this in mind, and someday, you will thank me.
