I’m dreaming of the moment now. I’ll be cozy in a soft set of pajamas, huddled under a quilt and holding a full pint of Ben and Jerry’s. As I eat, I watch a movie and purge myself of all of the stress, the negativity, the disappointment, and the guilt of procrastination.

Nights like that are my go-to prescription for friends who are upset, and I use it as my own medicine just as often. This is self-love, right? Well… yes. But....

Sometimes indulgence is exactly what we need to take a break from the stresses that surround us. This is important and I wholeheartedly believe that you should do it every once in a while. But there are a few problems with relying on a night of indulgence as the solitary key to maintaining our “sanity.”

1. Self-love is supposed to be ongoing, not just a night.

Self-love means that you take care of yourself 24/7. It means making sure you’re always getting plenty of diverse foods to eat. It means getting enough sleep almost every night. It means maintaining contact with supportive friends. It means believing in yourself and catching yourself when you fail to do so.

2. Self-love is not the same thing as feeling comfortable.

Nights of indulgence are amazing because they allow us to feel totally at ease. This is a great thing to do sometimes. But true self-love is more than a night of feeling at ease. This builds on the last point. If we are going to take care of ourselves all the time, that does not mean we should always feel comfortable. Sometimes this means acknowledging our bad habits and failings and working hard to constructively better ourselves. Sometimes this process doesn’t feel good, but this is self-care.

3. Self-love is not always limited to the self.

This goes in two directions. First, taking care of yourself usually includes taking care of other people, too. Countless studies find that people who extend love to other people are happier. Check in on yourself, but make sure you’re checking in on other people, too. Second, be willing to accept help from others. Sometimes this means opening up to a friend about what’s wrong. But sometimes you need to move into point number four.

4. Sometimes self-love means getting professional help.

Mental health professionals are trained to help you get through stress, difficult emotions, and mental illness. If you’re struggling, sometimes taking care of yourself means letting in a professional who can help guide you toward the self-love that you so deserve.

And you do deserve it. You’re absolutely amazing and you’ll make it through this. Just make sure that you’re truly taking care of yourself in a sustainable way.