I don't even know where to start. I have been extremely affected by COVID while I watch others be extremely affected by racism. I have seen constant grief over George Floyd in the past week. I have seen fear, shock, and pain every place I go online. I have seen some extreme actions taken place. I have seen the arguments for extreme actions and against extreme actions. I don't know which I agree with because there are so many reasons people are taking these actions. I see both COVID and racism as life-threatening diseases that need some sort of vaccine, but they seem to spread like wildfire. One has just been happening much longer than the other. I have been thinking about writing this article all night. The capital of my state has begun to be part of the protests against police brutality and racism in general. I had friends open up a semi-heated conversation just now, so now I know I need to figure out what I want to say about it. I am a white girl from a middle-class family.I am privileged, and I know that. I also have never truly known what has happened to anyone that is unlike me. I want to understand more about what people are going through. Do I know the correct, proper, or even just polite way to do that? Not really. There is so much I need to learn about other races and cultures and their history. I did not even realize it till I met my friend's aunt who started telling me all these things about the people she was working with in New York. I then took a class on cultural anthropology which was extremely hard to fully wrap my mind around. It dealt with ideas about ideas. It was hard to see until I met a person in the class that was the complete opposite of me in every single way. I wish I had gotten to know him better before classes ended because talking to him made me uncomfortable. It made me uncomfortable because I was shown how ignorant and oblivious I have been my entire life. I have lived in a place where the majority is white people. I go to a school where I speak to a majority of white people. Is that on purpose that I don't speak to many people different than me? It definitely is not because I love talking to people, but I have grown comfortable with the spaces I am in. I am realizing being comfortable is not acceptable anymore. I always have believed that the killings and oppression that happen in our society are wrong, but I have never felt like I saw or understood much of it. I have always been in a bubble that is away from diversity, and that I have felt the need to get out of. I have never really been in the environment where these tragedies are happening which is why I have been oblivious. I don't want to be ignorant and oblivious, and I want to change that I am. Where do I start? I have seen on the news every Black Lives Matter protests and the senseless killings of multiple black people. I want to change that. I want to believe racism can be changed in one day, but racism is a taught trait. You are not born racist. A taught trait has to be unlearned. How do we unlearn that trait, if we have learned it? We have to take the time daily to check our privilege. We have to take time to look at the things we may be saying or how we may be acting because some racism has become a reaction for some. This is not me saying that is okay whatsoever. They were taught ignorance which now has to be a process of learning how to not be ignorant and be conscious in daily life. I do not consider myself racist whatsoever, but I am still learning things daily about other cultures and fixing my ignorance. It all comes down to listening and actually hearing people on the opposite side. Listening needs to happen to cause a change in a mindset and in the world. If we know that, then why aren't we listening?

Racism is such a complex topic because most people may not realize they are being racist. It is so hard to understand something you don't personally go through, but you have to try. Every emotion is real and has a reason behind it. Someone feeling wronged, which could have been an accident, but still has someone feeling wronged at the end of it. The immediate reaction we feel cannot be what we act or speak on because that immediate reaction will not let us listen. The immediate reaction may be violent or hurtful words which in turn causes another extreme reaction, but theses reactions happen because people are not feeling heard. When no change is seen, it is extremely hard to believe you are listened to. Though these reactions make sense, nothing can be changed without a conversation. People have become tired of not seeing a change in this country. I would like to think something is in the works to change the awful things I have seen throughout my life whether it be shootings, racism, bullying, terrorism, but we just can not see anything being fully followed through. Talking is just so hard when you can't see anything new happening. You feel like you are speaking to someone who does not even want to try to fix things. It is a disservice to everyone in the country when citizens talk about what needs to be changed, but no one decides to listen. When are we going to see the change that is necessary if not one is going to decide to listen to the pain that is so clearly shown and now broadcasted across the nation?

We are in an age of immediacy. Everything needs to be acted on now. Will it be? I have no clue. All I can do is do my part in trying to make sure I am not ignorant because I am trying to listen. Hopefully, someone will follow my example. I can't make others lose ignorance, but I also will not just sit while I hear ignorance being taught that is simply not fair to future generations. That is a complete disservice to them. I will never truly understand what someone in the minority is going through right now or when there is a disservice to their communities, but I want to listen. I want to understand their pain. I have never been one to weigh in on politics, but this does not seem political to me. Even one death is too many, and that is simply not political. That is a fact. Black Lives Matter and other organizations like them, that work to spread awareness, have been branded political because they are an advocacy group. Why? I am really thinking about it now and politics are society created. I see a major part of our society tired of politics and tired of the hurt and hate they have endured because politics have become a contest. Politics seem to be an unnecessary power struggle which makes us lose focus on the people that are being hurt. Our society can change that. A government is necessary to create rules, but the government needs to truly be for the people, by the people. In my 19 years of life, I am not sure if I have completely seen that in any political leader. We need to change that for the wellbeing of our communities. The American Dream used to be freedom and prosperity, but so far our history has not shown full freedom due to corruption and hatred. There will never be enough to say about racism and injustice until it is gone. What I have said can only be apart of the beginning because I know we have a long way to go, but I am hoping it can be apart of a conversation that continues and works towards understanding and love for every community.