People in general waste energy thinking about the comparison of their lives to others, when that should not matter. From an individual perspective, and from a woman's perspective I will capture why we need to stop comparing our images and our lives with that of others. It is highly evident that some women have privilege over others, but in order to live we must remind ourselves that social standards are not direct indicators of how we should perceive ourselves. The main question we should think about is where does our happiness truly lie, and will imitating the lifestyles of others fill us of the void we have?

As a woman, and as a girl growing up, I have constantly been bombarded with magazines and images of women who I should aspire to be. I have compared myself to so many women. Women who have light skin (the typical beauty standard), women with melanin, women with fake or real tans, women with perfect hair, women who have the perfect fake butt or the perfect real butt--and the list goes on and on. Beauty standards change based on pop culture, media, or political trends. I oftentimes think about why it matters how women have achieved their looks, when in reality, our struggles are all important.

Take this complication: there are women who wish they were other women; with the women they envy wishing they were the women who (in reality) envy them.

As soon as Kendrick Lamar released his music video "Humble" there was a swarm of controversy. "Show me somethin' natural like afro on Richard Pryor. Show me somethin' natural like ass with some stretchmarks." While some may label these lyrics as empowering due to a change in beauty standards from "fake" to "natural" beauty, others may see these lyrics as offensive due to the nature of it being about a man's preferences for certain beauty standards in black women. Women who wear weave or wigs might not want to get told that they suddenly must change their hairstyle to cater to a man. There are some black women who cannot even have the hair style depicted by the woman in this music video due to the way their hair grows. Also, women who do not have "natural" butts have changed their body in order to cater to their own wishes. Thus, it should not matter whether someone is thick or thin, or has natural or fake body parts. What should matter is what makes a woman happy. Rather than placing the burden on the women who choose plastic surgery or non naturally growing hair, why don't we shift this burden onto the men who set these beauty standards? Muslim women are not considered "Muslim enough" if they do not wear hijabs, and Sikh people are not considered cultural enough when they choose not to sport long hair. Similarly many black women see themselves as not being able to embody stereotypical blackness (like the revolutionary Angela Davis) when they cannot grow afros. Although Lamar may have had good intentions, more conversations need to be held about the subject at hand.

The women who are in the cover of magazines--actresses, models, and singers--typically have incredibly strict diet plans and exercise routines that they have to stick to. Many of these women have to wake up at 6:00 am, in order to get to the gym. At the time of their arrival they will have to exercise for roughly two hours. They spend some time on cardio machines and the elliptical and move onto strength training including the upper and lower body. After finishing their workouts, they are told to completely cut junk food out of their diets--this includes not having any cheat days for an extensive period of time. Their diets may include foods such as kale, quinoa, tofu, and high protein, and low carbohydrate foods that are often bland. When you look at such women you may think that they are incredibly happy with their lives, but this is not always the case. For them, their body image determines the way other people perceive them. If they make even the slightest changes to their routine, it can be detrimental. Models may have constant anxiety about people not liking the cellulite or the stretchmarks on their body, or people judging them based off of accidentally collapsing on the runway due to their high heels. Adventure may seem fun, but travelling can be mentally draining and can have adverse health effects. Getting used to new environments is troublesome and having to always know how to articulate oneself due to being in front of flashing lights and cameras may cause massive anxiety. The job of being the "perfect woman"--let's face it--having the "ideal body" is not easy. Not only this, but a model's initial salary is not always stagnant. It can be very liquid and difficult to maintain this lifestyle.

Women who do not have to be exposed to such tasks often see models, actresses, and other women in the limelight as "fortunate" because they see them as having the "perfect figure" or the "perfect lifestyle" or the "best life partners" or the "best salaries". But this is simply because they see these models smiling into cameras all the time. This is just perception. This is just their job. Their job is, for the most part, to entertain you or to sell a product or a lifestyle. (They are great at doing that!) Here's the thing--you do not need to strive to be a supermodel. Just because society labels someone as "perfect" does not mean that that person does not have insecurities. When models do crunches they expect their body parts to be perfectly symmetrical or they expect to have the lowest body fat percentage they can have, and that is hard to attain. The process of achieving all of these goals does not necessarily make for a happy journey or even a happy ending.

Women who do not lead such lifestyles need to remember why they did not choose these lifestyles. There is a lot of sacrifice that goes into wanting to be a model. That includes the opportunity cost of going to the gym or getting enough sleep in the morning, or going to a photo shoot versus finishing research on a health technology innovation. Different women have different priorities and that is completely fine. Rather than spending the majority of one's time trying to obtain the perfect body, one may decide to use that time to get closer to friends and family, make money in some other form, use time to read or write a new book, explore new places, mingle, make an appearance at several events, and much more.

People who do not share similar lifestyles should not be comparing themselves to others. You are not a better person for having a more socially normative body nor are you less attractive or more beautiful based on what a magazine tells you. We are who we are based on how we treat ourselves and what our lifestyles look like. We look the way we do based on genetics and epigenetics, socioeconomic barriers, and much more. You do not have to look like a model to be perfect. Someone is going to see you as perfect regardless of how you or others see yourself. The perfect lifestyle is based on perception. Just like one man's trash is another man's treasure, one woman would love to trade a lifestyle with you for a day.

Embrace your "imperfections" and begin to see them as beautiful and unique qualities. If you want to be healthier make certain life style changes but do not sacrifice what you love doing in order to make these changes. The whole point of change or "good health" is to make yourself happier. Regardless of if you are slim or fat, thick or thin, have light skin or dark skin, green eyes or brown eyes, there will always be someone who finds you beautiful. And if they are incapable of seeing that beauty or that spirit that you hold within, they are not worth your time.

We are all working on ourselves in different ways. Someone might have a debilitating condition and wish they looked like you, or someone may wish they had the same confidence as you. Rather than pitting ourselves against one another, us women should come together and accept each other for our differences. As Ashley Ford had quoted in her article, “It’s not a body’s job to be 'perfect'. It’s to keep you alive." Love yourself and be your favorite person. Be happy, do what you love, and keep yourself alive. Why worry about others when we can worry about ourselves? Everyone's struggle is different and we are all kindred spirits in the sense that we are all trying to keep ourselves or our marks on this earth alive and well. No matter what anyone else tells you, know that only you know what can make you happy. Live the life you want to live and everything else will come along.

When we do not have others' lifestyles or wish to have these life styles, why waste our time thinking about what we could be, when what we already are is enough?