Last week before the election I wrote an article about America making its choice in terms of which presidential candidate is worse. On November 8, my roommates and I sat down and watched the results pour in. Soon enough, it became clear. America made its choice. Or did it?

Donald Trump has won the presidency, despite Hillary Clinton winning the popular vote by over 600,000 votes. Since then, there has been an outpouring of attacks on minorities. Many people, including myself, have reported feeling unsafe in public. Since then, reports of Trump wanting to live in The White House part time have been released. Reports of Obama feeling the need to "spend extra time" teaching Trump the ins-and-outs of the White House have been released. Needless to say, Trump appears to be even a bit more uncomfortable with his win than the rest of the American people. He's taken aback that the Presidency is a real job, and not a four-year-long rally where people are screaming his name and telling him how great he is.

On Saturday, I attended my first ever protest in my 20 years of living. I held up a sign that had a Lady Gaga quote on it:

There's gonna be no future if we don't figure this out. -Lady Gaga

There were news cameras everywhere. There were people lining the streets to watch as the thousands upon thousands of protesters marched from Union Square to Trump Tower. I looked around as history was happening around me. There was a kind man that stopped to speak to me about the Bush/Gore election, encouraging my roommate and me to record as much as we could on social media, in case the protests are not covered by mainstream media, similar to how they were not covered by the media in 2000.

It felt liberating to stand up for something that I believe in. There are many factors that led to a Trump presidency, and none of them should be ignored. The discussion should continue until it is no longer needed. That being said, it will no longer be needed once we reach an essentially utopian society. Thus, it is our duty to continue the conversation until we are no longer. But to stand amongst a large mass of people that I knew had my back even without knowing my name, was amazing.

Ultimately, I still do not quite know what to say or how to react to Trump winning. I will end this with the post I made on Facebook the day after, as I feel like I still cannot sum up my emotions in any other way:

I’ve been thinking of some sort of “statement” to say all day. Throughout the day I’ve found it hard to muster up any sort of thoughts, feelings — any words to express the general level of emptiness I feel. I have listened to the words of others, shared the words of others, retweeted the words of others, as a lazy attempt to express my thoughts, as a selfish attempt to stay silent.

I’ve just come back from a doctors appointment, where the antidepressants I have taken for about the past two years have just been doubled. We discussed the implications of my latest blood tests which show abnormalities in my liver function. We discussed how my arthritis, the chronic autoimmune disease that I have and that leaves me frequently debilitated, is currently not well controlled. This forces me to think about the future of my health insurance.

I feel disconnected from it all. I want to say it will be okay, but I can’t say that with certainty. I want to say that I respect everyone’s political views, but considering the danger a Trump presidency would put me and nearly one hundred percent of my friends in, I can’t. I want to say this will not change how I feel about certain friends and family members that are ecstatic about a Trump presidency, but I can’t.

I simply feel defeated.