Watching Someone Drown

The reason I write this, is because I never want anyone to feel how I feel. How mothers have felt, fathers. Brothers and sisters. We are all loved. Friends become like family. We are all special as long as you believe. I feel like we hear "I love you" and "I care about you" but don't take it deeply as it should be. We are all loved. We are all connected if we choose to be. Its everyones responsibility to uplift and help those around them, even ones they don't agree with. We all struggle. We all love. We all cry, bleed and bruise. We are not all that different as it appears to be.

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We were crazy. Out of control. Loved fiercely. Fought harder. Laughed long moments, and were convinced that there was no one out there for us. Convinced that the moments would never end. We were crazy. Out of control. Loved fiercely. Fought harder. Laughed long moments, and were convinced that we were buildng a life together. Out of all the moments I don't remember, I will never forget the day you left. It was 9 pm when I read your mom had posted you were in an accident. My immediate thought is that you would be okay. You're always okay, I mean shit it's you man. You had 9 lives, always getting inches away from falling but never hitting the ground.

The next day it rained. I felt like it was you crying with me. We cried together for the last time. I knew the second I tried to get ready, you were letting go. It was an overwhelming feeling, almost like you were speaking to me through my own head. You told me that it was your time, that you were so sorry for everyone. You mourned for your parents, your brother, your friends, for us.

I sat outside for hours just crying in the rain, but I felt comforted. I felt like you were right beside me holding me. I will never forget that moment for as long as I live. I never thought I'd be feeling how it feels like to loose someone like you.

I still have the t-shirt you made in the group home. I wear it and it brings me back to the memories of drinking jack, smoking and watching trailer park boys. Bubbles was always your favorite, though we both said you were like Ricky.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess it's just cause I miss you. Just cause a part of me hopes you can read this, hopes you know how much I love you. My life will never be the same without you. So many peoples lives will never be the same. You brought so much passion, so much energy, so much charisma. You lit up a room. You lit fires in people. You are the type of person that someone doesn't just forget.

I just miss you love. I wish the whole world would have gotten to know you as much as everyone close to you did. I wish people could feel the feeling in my stomach when I think of you, the feeling of losing someone who had so much potential. Who had so much spirit.

I love you. I will never forget you. I don't know what to do without you, but I will use your strength that you taught me to get through this. If I can be half as good as you, I will make it very far. I know you always doubted yourself, but I promise you were (and are) one of the wisest people I've ever met.

I swear on my life, no one will forget about you as long as I'm alive. I will share your story.

And for anyone struggling, get help. You're worth it. You deserve it. You are loved. Save yourself for your family. For yourself. For all those who's hearts ache for you.

And for the friends, family and acquaintances; I know it hurts. But don't shut people that need more help than anyone else out. We all need to work together to help each other. To lift each other. I love you. I send you positivity, I send you strength. You are no less than anyone else. You are a human being with a disease, and we should all work on supporting you. I love you. Please be safe. Please think about those that care about you. Please think of the girl that you might not know writing this, because I care. Because I hurt knowing you hurt. Because I just want you to be okay.

Sending you love. Sending you peace. Sending you recovery. You are worth it. And you are strong. And you can help others with your newfound strength.

I said no names, but I know it applies to many different people. Stay strong. I love you.