I miss you.
I know that's what everyone says at a time like this, but I don't know what else to say. When I say, "I miss you," I mean I miss everything about you.
I miss your hearty laugh, especially when we would laugh for 10 minutes straight about something that only you and I thought was hilarious.
I miss your wise words because you always knew exactly what to say when I needed your help.
I miss your spontaneity. You were always the first who was willing to go on a simple midnight adventure or a day trip a few hours away.
I miss your hugs, whether they were for a happy reason or a sad one, hugs always made everything better.
I miss your selflessness, always willing to drop everything in your life to help someone who was important to you.
I miss talking to you about important things, but also the most obscure topics we could think of.
I miss your heart because not only were you selfless, but you were generous, kind, and loving to all of those around you.
But most of all, I just miss you.
Dealing with death is never easy and everyone deals with it differently, but I certainly have had a hard time coming to terms with yours. I never thought that would be something I would have to face, but it is and I have to find some way to accept it, if I ever can.
I have so many questions that I will never get the answer to.
Are you safe?
Are you at peace?
I so badly want the answers to these because it just doesn't make sense to me that you are gone. I keep expecting you to call me and tell me it was all some sort of sick joke, but you are alive and well. But I know deep down that's not how this is going to work.
I think most of all I want you to know how much you meant to me. I don't know if I said it enough during our friendship, but I really hope you knew that. You helped me through so many issues in my life and I am forever grateful for that. I truly hope that everyone gets to experience a friend like you. I wish I would have the opportunity to tell you that more.
I wish I could've stopped this from happening. I keep going through everything in my head trying to think of ways I could've prevented this from happening, but I know I couldn't have. I wish I had the superpower to turn back time just so I can get one more opportunity to talk to you, tell you everything we all love about you, and tell you how much I appreciate you.
You were, and still are, so loved by many. Even though you are not here anymore, you will always be in my heart. You were such a special person and I hope you still know that.
I miss you.