Ah, college freshmen. The year of freedom, the year of finding yourself, the year of a fresh start.
More like the four years of tears.
All incoming freshmen, please wipe everything you think you know about college out of your mind because it is all wrong. Every show and movie that depicts college is wrong. It's not all parties and making "best friends forever." More like, stress, stress, and more stress. Here are some tips to start you off:
1. You won't think you'll cry, but believe me, it's coming.
It will happen to everyone; and once it does... you can't stop.
2. If you think it is all about the parties, well then you are mistaken.
Really it's just as lame as high school parties were... filled with people who are stuck in the past.
3. You want credit for that day you missed in class? Well better get the documentation ready for the professor.
Your teacher will need a doctor's note, death certificate, and your social security number. Then, maybe, you'll get half the credit. If you're lucky.
4. You're going to gain weight. It is unavoidable.
Believe me, weight gain will be the least of your troubles. Don't try to prevent it, you'll need all that extra carbs and sugar to keep you sane.
5. The only thing between you and diabetes is that seventh bowl of ramen of the week.
But really, as the easiest and fastest thing to cool, you'll adapt quickly to the ramen diet.
6. Fire alarms will be a regular.
About 75% of the time it will be a drill, and the other 25% is due to people vaping, making popcorn, or burning toast.
7. You'll love your roommates the first week... then never speak to them for the rest of the year.
You'll all be best friends planning spring break trips and posting cute messages about each other, but wait a week or so and you'll realize you have to live with these people for nine months. With only the bathroom to get peace and quiet.
8. All you're gaining from college is a coffee addiction.
If you didn't like coffee before, just wait. Your addiction is waiting and ready for you. It starts out with one of those super sugar-filled drinks and ends with eight shots mixed with cold brew at eleven at night.
9. One person gets sick... everyone is sick.
Remember to take all your vitamins kids. As well as wash those hands.
10. You are going to be poor.
Grab all those free coupons and scraps from your house because that is what you'll be living off of for the next four years.
11. We all learned MLA forms, and told we would use it till we died. But guess what it's APA now.
Thanks high school, you screwed us all over.
12. Your professor is going to have a strange accent and bad handwriting.
I'll bet money on it.
13. Try finding the time to workout... I dare you.
With all that studying and stressing out and breakdowns, well, you will most likely not work off that weight gain.
14. It is completely normal to spasm on the ground and cry because you realized the essay is due in an hour and you only have the heading.
Nobody will even bat an eye.
15. Your appearance reflects how your life is going at the moment; which is always at an all-time-low.
It's okay. We are all in this together.
16. When you're not in class, you will be studying.
Have fun!
Now that you get the gist of it, enjoy your summer! See you next year, all smiling, and full of joy, wonder, possibility... I haven't seen that in college since September.
