I've never been good at walking away.
I don't like change. Truthfully, that's my problem. I find myself in situations - be it relationships, jobs, anything really - where I become comfortable. Even if I'm not necessarily happy, I'm comfortable. And optomistic - optimistic that I can change those situations to work in my favor. I can fix my relationships with people, I can be a better friend, a better girlfriend, a better person for them. I can change how I feel about my job; I can work harder, smarter, take on more responsibility and try to be a leader. I can keep trying and trying... until I can't anymore.
I tend to walk away from things when it's too late. I'm rarely the one to end things on my terms; friendships end because they walk away, not me. At my first job, I stayed months after I really should've - but I didn't feel like I was ready to make that change, even though I hated my job. I, quite literally, don't know when to quit.
But lately, as I've written about quite a bit in the past few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about where I am in life right now. After graduating, I've found myself at a crossroads of sorts. For the first time since I was four years old I'm not going back to school in the fall, which means for the first time in almost my entire life, my time is completely mine.
Sure, I still have a job, and volunteer projects I work on, and internships I'm responsible for - but my workload is a fraction of what it used to be. Which means that I've been able to enjoy - truly enjoy - my free time for the first time in years. And I absolutely love it.
I love having time to read books, or watch TV, or even sit on my phone for hours without feeling guilty. As much as I love and miss being in school, I love having time to do what I want even more. Which is why I've promised myself, in my third and final post-grad resolution, that I won't keep myself in situations I don't want to be in. Situations where I'm not growing, where I'm unhappy, where I feel more anxiety than excitement when I think about it. At this point in my life, I'm rapidly growing as a person, and a lot of the old positions and friendships I've held just don't fit anymore.
Which is why, after nearly three years, this is my last article for Odyssey.
I've created with this company since RIC's launch, back in March 2016. I've written over 130 articles, accumulated thousands of page views, and had my work shared far and wide. I'm incredibly proud of everything I've done here, from content creation, to my roles as contributing editor and Editor in Chief. But after all this time, this chapter of my life is coming to a close.
But the difference between leaving Odyssey, and other situations, is that I'm the one closing this chapter. I made the call when I felt I was ready - I didn't wait, didn't try to stick it out longer than I should've. I thought about it long and hard, but not too long and hard. And honestly, it feels good.
I'm grateful to this company, to my team, and to all the opportuinties I've had to grow and learn with them. I'm grateful for all the doors these skills have opened for me already, and the doors they'll open in the future. I'm happy I took the chance and applied, all those years ago, to a company I honestly wasn't too sure about. I'm happy I've made the friends I have, and I'm happy I've had a place to share my thoughts with an audience. And, most of all, I'm happy I feel like I've come to a point where I feel like I can walk away. I'm happy I can step down, by my own free will, and let someone else gain everything I've been able to through this position as editor in chief
I'm excited to see what my future holds, and I'm excited to keep my promise - nothing is going to hold me back.
