Don't Ever Feel Guilty For Doing What's Best For You

Don't Ever Feel Guilty For Doing What's Best For You

The whole world is watching, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve to find happiness.

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I am my own worst enemy.

This is not a problem that I alone have. I know many high-achieving, perfection-seeking, passionate individuals who suffer from too much self-criticism. I will be the first to admit I see my own faults far before they become apparent to others, though when it comes to evaluating other people, I always see the good long before the not-so-great.

I am way too hard on myself. Whether it is getting a low grade on a paper, failing to meet a deadline, falling short of a goal, overthinking someone's reaction, not getting feedback on something I put my time into — no matter what it is, I am always a step ahead, negative thoughts running rampant, setting fire to my self-esteem and any sense of self-appreciation I had built up. I know I do this. It is something I have recently been trying to work on, but progress does not happen overnight, and it is a far cry from a trackable, visible project.

In the last month alone, I have made several big decisions. Several really big, really scary, really impactful decisions. I know what I am doing is probably what is best for my own mental health and for my general wellbeing. I know these changes are going to be better for everyone involved. I keep telling myself I made the right decisions, that it will be better, that things will get easier, that I cannot keep hiding and living the way I have been, that these are the steps I have to take to find my happiness.

Amidst all of these reassurances, I find one feeling bubbling, growing bigger and bigger, forcing itself closer and closer to the surface every waking second.

Guilt.

I feel so fucking guilty. I feel guilty for ending a relationship. I feel guilty for taking time for myself when I could be helping others. I feel guilty for leaving a position I have held for almost two years. I feel guilty for not having a plan, just taking life as it comes to me.

I feel like I am letting everyone around me down. I feel so full of guilt and self-hatred and doubt, and it is unbearable, really.

Then a dear friend stopped one of many recent breakdowns when she told me this:

"Don't ever feel guilty for doing what's best for you."

I stopped. I stared at the words. I read them again. And again. And again.

This sentence has become my mantra, my guiding force.

It is these words that have gotten me through everything that has been going on in my life.

It is these words I pass on to you.

Don't EVER feel guilty for doing what's best for you.

Say it out loud.

Now, say it again.

And again.

We cannot keep living like this. We cannot hold ourselves accountable to this extreme for every single thing we do in our lives. Sometimes, the best thing for us is walking away. And while that sucks and can be overwhelming and unbearable and ultimately debilitating at times, we just have to remember — to keep telling ourselves.

Don't ever feel guilty for doing what's best for you.

You deserve to feel happy. You deserve to choose the things that stay in your life. You deserve to always open your eyes after the storm and see another brilliant, beautiful day ahead of you.

The whole world is watching, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve to find happiness.

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10 Beliefs About Life That Everyone Should Hold

Mentalities to help lead a happy life.
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As I sit here and wonder what to write about, I think to myself “What do I want to share with the world? What is important to me?” One thing that I think is very important is sharing your knowledge and beliefs with the world. Over the past few years I have acquired many great ways to live and view life that I think are important to share. I think it is important to open people’s eyes to new ways of thinking about life. Here is a list of mentalities and beliefs that I hold.

1. Do what makes you happy and have no regrets.

I say this almost every single day and I always advise people to live by these words. Do what makes you happy. Not what makes your family, peers, or anyone else happy. Your life is about you and your happiness. Also, you cannot regret something if it once made you happy. For example— if you were to date someone but then they ended up breaking your heart. Would you really regret dating them? Would you regret all the time you spent with them? Regret means that you wish you never did something. But why would you ever want to go back and erase something that made you happy? You should always do the things that you love and that make you happy. You should never regret it for a second.

2. Do not say that you’ll never do something.

Do not say things like “I’ll never smoke weed” or “I’ll never date so-and-so.” I am just making examples up, but my point is to never exclude yourself from anything. If you do not enjoy something, that is totally fine! However, if you have never tried something, do not exclude yourself from it! Life is short and you need to live. You need to try new things so that you can grow as a person. Experiences truly shape people’s lives. Experiences and new encounters allow people to learn more about themselves and the world. It is through life experience that people gain wisdom.

3. Never let your fear decide your future.

Yes, I saw this quote on Pinterest and yes it blew my mind. This is similar to the idea of not excluding yourself from anything, but this still holds true. Do not let fear get in the way of your life! If your gut is telling you not to do something, then listen to your gut! However, if you genuinely want to do something but you are afraid of the possible outcome or consequence, do it anyway! Life is short and like I said, do what makes you happy and have no regrets. Do not let your little fear or the butterflies in your stomach stop you from achieving your dreams and doing the things that you want to do.

4. At the end of the day, the only advice that matters is the advice you give to yourself.

I know this may sound odd, but let me explain. Sometimes people in your life will not give you the advice that you want to hear. Granted, sometimes you need that. At the end of the day your true friends and family always have your best interests at heart. However, sometimes what people tell you is not the same as what your heart is telling you. I believe that at the end of the day, you must do what your heart and gut are telling you, even if it goes against what everyone else is advising you to do. This seems very dramatic, but my point is simply that at the end of the day, you should always do what you feel is right whatever that may be.

5. Don’t judge or shame anyone for the way they live their life.

Over the past few years, I have learned that every single person is unique. One thing that I have also learned is that everyone has that side of himself or herself that they do not share with the world. So before you judge someone, you must remember that you do not know what is going on in his or her life behind closed doors. Do not slut-shame. Do not judge people on their appearances. Do not judge. I am not saying that I have never judged someone, but I have learned that there is no point in being judgmental and it simply is not nice. Also, why waste your time judging other people when you can live your own life?!

6. Everything happens for a reason.

Many people say that experiences are either “a blessing or a lesson”. This idea could not be truer, at least in my eyes. I believe that every single event that happens in your life is for a reason. Every person that you come across in life was meant to cross your path. In my opinion, you never meet people on accident or out of coincidence. Every person, place, and experience that we encounter affects and shapes who we are one way or another. As time goes on, people learn and grow from everything that comes their way. Everything happens for a reason. Whether that reason is to bring you happiness or knowledge (or both).

7. If something is meant to be, it will be.

Like I mentioned earlier, everything happens for a reason. However, the lack of something occurring is also for a reason. Some things in life are just simply not meant to happen. I believe that the universe is strong and it works its magic on all of us. I believe that if something is meant to be, it will be, no matter how long it takes to occur.

8. Never settle.

I believe that people should never settle for less than what they want and what they believe that they deserve. We only live once and we all deserve the very best life has to offer. By settling for something, you are not allowing yourself to have what you truly want. My advice is to stay strong, never settle, and wait until the very best comes along and makes you happy.

9. Anything is possible.

I am going to be a sophomore in college in the fall and if my freshmen year of college taught me one thing, it is that anything is possible. Your entire life can change in a week, a month, or a year. People have these ideas in their head of how life will play out. However, the reality is that there are going to be twists and turns along the way. I guarantee that you will experience something that you never imagined you would some time in the future. Never take anything for granted either, because the idea that “anything is possible” includes losing something or someone. Losing and gaining things is never planned or expected, but it is possible. So if you ever think that life is boring just wait, because I guarantee something insane will happen in no time.

10. Follow your gut.

I am sure that everyone under the sun has been advised to follow his or her gut. It really is the best advice out there. Your inner instincts are what you should follow at all times if you are ever in doubt. Your instincts are strong— do not blow them off as if they are nothing. No one knows you better than you. So, if you do not feel comfortable in a certain situation, get out of that situation. Whatever the case may be, always follow your gut because it will never fail you.

These are the things that I believe in and these are the ways that I live. I hope that what I have said has been an eye-opener. I just wanted to share my thoughts with the world. I hope that everyone reading this leads happy and healthy lives!

Cover Image Credit: Google

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To The Girl Who Hasn't Yet Found Herself, Keep Looking

You will eventually find her in all the right places, I promise.

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They say you are supposed to go through your awkward transition phase during middle school, but you still feel like you haven't quite figured it out. They say you are supposed to join a club in order to "find yourself", but then you end up sitting in the back watching everyone laugh and catch up. You feel out of place--like you're existing somewhere you just don't belong. Let me be the voice telling you that you are exactly where you are meant to be right now. Every decision you've ever made has led you to this place. This is, of course, much harder to grasp than to just say. Really though, you're doing just fine!

Finding out the things you don't like to do are just important as discovering your passions when it comes to finding your true self. Don't be afraid to join that club, talk to the girl next to you in class, and explore your interests. You might hate it. You might want to run away, but at least you're learning about yourself and where your comfort zone lies. Finding yourself is a life long process, so don't expect an Aha! moment where you have finally hit your destination. Think of it more as a sense of confidence of comfortability in who you are and what you stand for.

Stepping away from friends and family for some time may also lead you to who you are. Often, we grow up and mature only to have the same beliefs, morals, and political opinions as our parents. It's not our fault and we aren't childish, we just trust our parent's judgment and see their conscience as nothing but truth. Part of gaining independence is questioning your own biased beliefs and reevaluating them so they reflect your character better. Same goes with friends. Try to spend a Friday night in with yourself. See what you do. Do you watch a movie? Do you catch up on homework? Do you paint your nails? What is it that makes you feel happy when nobody else is around? By considering the answer to this question, you're one step closer to figuring this whole life thing out.

You may also want to try stepping away from your phone. Your social media (this shouldn't come as a surprise) is giving you the false idea that everyone around you knows exactly what they're doing and enjoys doing it all. Not true. So not true actually, everyone else is struggling to find out just who they are. You and your phone need some distance.

Finding yourself doesn't just happen. You need to explore the world around you and you'll eventually find out where your place is. Be patient with the process and know the right steps will surface when you're ready to take them. Be kind to yourself and have the bravery to discover the girl inside you (I hear she's really cool).

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