Mental illness has only recently become a topic people are comfortable talking about. The field of psychology has come so far in its quest to understand what the various mental illnesses are. However, there are still many obstacles to overcome. As society has become increasingly more aware that certain disorders exist, the understanding of the disorders is still lurking in the background. What does it mean to have depression? Is bipolar disorder something as simple as changing your mind frequently? Is anxiety as serious as some people say it is? Questions upon questions stack on top of each other like the layers of a cake as tall as the sky. Will we ever fully understand what each and every disorder entails? Probably not, and that’s OK. What matters is taking the necessary steps to try to understand who your neighbor is as your neighbor. For nine more weeks, I hope to help you take a step in the direction of understanding your neighbors by presenting ten stories from real life people struggling with a variety of disorders. These people are your sisters, your brothers, your best friend, and your family. These people are you and these people are me.
Veronica's Story:
Looking back, I think it started when I took a Nutrition and Wellness class my junior year of high school. I genuinely wanted to live a healthier life and start doing things that were good for my body, so I started balancing my diet and working out. It pretty quickly turned into an obsession. I would carry a journal with me and write down everything I ate and drank, counting calories, fat intake, etc., which wasn't a bad thing to do until I started punishing myself with excessive exercise and withholding food.
I was obsessed with the way I looked. I would stand naked in front of the mirror in my room and mentally make a checklist of areas that I hated and how I was going to change them. I never intentionally binged and purged, but if I felt too fat before a dance performance or any event where I had to be on stage in front of a large number of people, I would make myself purge in order to feel better about the way I looked. I spent hours running, doing sit-ups, weight lifting, anything to keep my body parts from jiggling. I think that it affected me more mentally than anything. I hated everything about myself. I would believe any negative thing someone said about me and brush off any positive comments. I never contemplated suicide, but I wished I was never born.
I tried to keep it hidden from my friends and family the best I could. They never made a point to say anything to me about it, so I thought I was hiding it well and didn't have to feel ashamed of anything. I never came to a point when I noticed I had a problem, but when look back at old pictures of myself, I always think, "I can't believe I thought I was overweight." Others noticed though, and made sure to let me know. One of my teachers had enough of watching me go through this, and pulled me out of class one day to confront me about it. I denied it at first, but over the course of a few weeks, I started to slowly realize how much of a problem it had become.
The hardest part is when it comes creeping back. I still find myself sometimes standing in front of the mirror displeased with what's in front of me, and I slowly have to go through the things I like about myself and force the negative feelings away.
Everyone experiences an eating disorder differently. Just because someone looks healthy and seems to be doing well in life doesn't mean they aren't struggling. Eating disorders aren't just something you stop having a problem with suddenly, it is a constant battle with yourself over control of your own body.
IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING WITH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, PLEASE CONTACT SOMEONE IMMEDIATELY.
Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1 (800) 273-8255
TWLOHA Text Crisis Hotline: Text “TWLOHA” to 741-741
Eating Disorder Help Hotline: 1-800-931-2237
