I have often wished that I could have control over what happened in my life, and thought that I would be happier if I did, because then I wouldn't be a helpless victim when others choose do wrong things which affect me, or when circumstances cause me pain and disappointment. But recently I have begun to see that it was foolish and ignorant of me to wish for this control. I have started to realize that if I did have this superhuman ability that I would make a completely and total disaster of my life because I do not have the wisdom and knowledge that God has and cannot see how the future is going to play out. If I had control of my life, I would have stayed at the 2nd riding stable that I took lessons at, about eight years ago, because I really liked my teacher, I loved the horse that I normally got to ride and even though there were many difficult things connected to that place, I was devastated when I had to stop taking lessons there because of the scent of fly spray which makes me very sick. If I had been in control, I would have stayed at a place where the price was high, the riding time was very short and where freedom was practically non-existent. Instead, because God was in control, I got my sweet horse, Cody, I get to go to a place with relatives who care about me, where I am free to come and ride whenever I want (as long as the weather is good), and where my freedom and pleasure is so much greater than it was at the place I had to leave. If I had been in control, I would've stayed at the community college where I started going at age seventeen and which I had to leave because of the scent of smoking which I am extremely allergic to. Even though I had only one close friend at that college and there were many things that I did not like at all about going there, I still felt very sad when I had to leave, because my sister was at that college, I knew some people, enjoyed singing in the choir there and because it was familiar. If I had been in control instead of God, I would have never come to Greenville College, where I have felt more at home, more loved and welcomed than I had ever imagined possible and where I have grown hugely in my faith. If I had been in control I would have missed out on so many incredible friendships, so many sweet, faith filled people would never have been part of my life. It makes my heart ache to think of all I would have missed. If I had been in control, I would have gotten officially into a relationship that was already very unhealthy for me and for the boy I wanted to date, because we are totally unfitted for each other and because our relationship was founded on blind feelings and not on good communication and mutual respect and if we had dated, it would have gotten worse for both of us. When I look back on the past I am overwhelmed by the number of times that God's being in control kept me from missing out on incredible experiences and wonderful relationships or kept me from destroying my own life by bad choices and blind decisions. Though I will still feel at times, the pain of not having control and the fearfulness of struggling to trust Him, I feel truly grateful that I have a God who is so much wiser than me and who loves me too well to let me settle for anything less than what will be best for me.