I'm going to preface this article by saying that while it is written from a heteronormative standpoint, it can apply to any single person who's done you dirty. So no matter your identity you know the feeling when you feel it.
Picture this: you've gone on a wonderful date or three, you talked nonstop and wow maybe there's something here. The little insects start to crawl around and you find yourself thinking about it in class. You sit in your room thinking about what-ifs and new date ideas and you actually wear nice clothes around campus. He texts you saying how fantastic it was and starts talking about future dates.
Then it happens. His texts become far and few, and then they stop.
And you sit there wondering what you possibly did. Was I too aggressive? Was I not aggressive enough? Did I eat too much food? Talk through the movie? Did I not apply enough makeup? You start to spiral and feel like you're not good enough. Your stomach sinks and you begin to accept the fact that you're just going to die alone with 18 goats and seven cats.
Someone call Ghostbusters because you just got ghosted. No explanation, no reason. Maybe he got into a freak accident, "Mean Girls" style. Even though it's not a heartbreak, and you tell yourself he's not worth it, you can't help but put it in your pocket and hold onto those feelings of insecurity and sadly, loneliness. "Thank U, Next" starts playing but you can't stop that feeling, and it sucks, a lot. You feel a bit hopeless and decide to become a hermit and swear off men for good.
So please if you go on a date, and you're not feeling it, BE HONEST!!!
Just tell them so they don't sit around and wait, hoping you'll text them saying you were buried alive somewhere and just got out, and that's why you didn't respond to their texts. Just say "hey, you're great, but I don't see this going anywhere." You stop wasting your time and theirs so that you all can move on to the next, or not.
I used to ghost — until it happened to me, and I realized how toxic it is.
It's awful and just knocks us down a confidence peg that it already in place due to social constructions of beauty. I already feel like garbage about the pimple on my face, and now you can't respond to my texts? I must be ugly or something, like damn.
Maybe I'm oversensitive, but I believe actions and words go hand in hand. Don't act like everything's fine and then the next it's not. I'm left here confused and disgruntled, wondering where I went wrong, texting my friends who can't even tell me because nobody can, except you, the only other person there. The one who can't even give me common decency to tell me I was too extra for them.
It's so hard to think, but its not your fault. Stop going on the dating apps trying to find another one, and just work on yourself. Go get your nails done, go hiking or read a great book. Remember that you are enough and a million ghosts will never ever take that away from you.
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