Dating has always been something that has been difficult, for me at least. Going to an all girl’s Catholic private school has limited the opportunity for me to meet guys that I would even consider going out with. In today’s society, it is so difficult to be connected face to face with someone, or let alone find someone who isn’t worried about social media to have a sit-down conversation with. In recent years, I have found that social media plays a role in contributing to problems within relationships, especially in the relationships that I have pursued in recent years.
With apps like Tinder, Bumble, Instagram, and Snapchat, it is next to impossible to go on a real date with someone. Apps like Tinder and Bumble take the realness out of dating, and they make it easy to ignore what relationships should be about and water relationships down to dumb pickup lines. Though, advertised as apps that help people find their soulmates, most people on these apps are only looking for a hookup.
Hookups are not bad necessarily, but these apps do introduce them, which contributes to problems that many people have when trying to look for someone to date. Instagram and Snapchat enable young people to have expectations of what a relationship should be, and those expectations are usually unrealistic. Instagram especially with people who consider themselves “social media influencers" and are in relationships that are often not as perfect as they portray online. Social media also plays a large role in stirring up jealousy within modern-day relationships.
Wanting to know more about how dating apps worked, I downloaded Tinder on a whim, in preparation of writing this. The app overall was a lot like a game, and I would find myself opening the app to mindlessly swipe left and right on random guys. I realized something as I was doing this: it really takes the emotion out of dating and was something that made dating superficial. You're only judging someone based on how they look and you have absolutely no clue what their personality is like, the latter of which is what makes dating so much fun. Figuring out what someone is like and who they are is what keeps dating refreshing and new, and this concept cannot be determined through the use of a subpar pickup line.
After getting matches, or people who mutually swiped right on you, I received a slew of horrendous and unoriginal pick up lines. Overall, it wasn’t a great experience and I feel takes the realness out of dating. These types of apps also add to the dating culture of today’s society. That culture being what I call “talking” culture. Talking can be defined as dating without the label which many people I know, and also I have experienced this.
“Talking” can mean a variety of things, and is not something that can be defined clearly, but can mean anything from texting exclusively to being friends with benefits. This is really problematic and harmful on many levels to young adults in society today. It creates a lot of self-esteem issues because people are insecure about whether the person they're talking to will stop talking to them at any moment, because they're not committed so there’s no real explanation needed.
Another thing that’s important to know is the term “ghosting,” which I have experienced and have also done to some guys as well. This means that you completely cut off a person you're talking to without any notice or warning. I have done this on occasions where I feel as though guys get too clingy and I’m not really into them anymore. It’s an easy way out: you give completely no explanation to why you've stopped talking to them and pretend like they don't exist or nothing ever happened between you. It’s actually a horrible thing to experience, but in today’s dating culture it’s something so prevalent because it contributes to “talking” culture.
Something else that as of recent has been taking over dating culture is the idea of couple “goals,” which are basically an unrealistic set of expectations that every couple wants to strive to based on the actions of social media influencers. The first example of this I can think of is the couple that was Jay Alverraz and Alexis Ren.
From 2015-2017 Jay and Alexis took over Instagram and YouTube with content of them traveling the world together, going out for expensive dinners, and an overall lavish lifestyle. In February of 2017 though they broke things off, to much dismay to their combined millions of followers. The social media fame was too much to handle to Jay apparently, he started treating Alexis disrespectfully and all he cared about was the money he made off the relationship.
Fame also changed Alexis, being in the relationship made her insecure because she was constantly worried that Jay would break up with her if she didn’t have the right look. She admits that the relationship led to an eating disorder, and she realized that it needed to end because it wasn’t functional. Millions of girls worldwide strived to have a relationship like Jay and Alexis, one that was “Instagram-able,” because everything in today’s young adult culture comes down to likes.
Social media also contributes to jealousy in modern relationships. Everyone who is faced with any social media outlet is concerned with likes. Who’s liking what? Who posted when? Did my picture get more likes? All questions that are present, and play a role in jealousy. One of the things in social media culture that is a driving force behind jealousy is being able to see who is liking someone else’s picture.
Anyone who has been in a relationship from the age of 13-24 has asked the question "why did he/she like his/her picture?" This creates worry stress because if you're in this position you worry about whether or not your partner is cheating on you with this person that they're overly liking pictures of. You also worry if you're not good enough.
Overall, social media makes dating superficial. It puts unrealistic aspirations of what dating should be on a platform for many ages to see and strive to, which in turn leads to many mental health problems, especially self-esteem issues. Speaking as a young woman who has experienced the dating culture of today’s society, I find that social media plays a large role in how people actually interact with each other.
More often than not throughout the dates I have been on, guys have been on their phones or awkward without them because for some reason there is a constant obsession with what is going on in the world that they're not present in. I’m guilty of being on social media and using it on occasions when I probably shouldn’t, but I realize that it’s a problem, when many people don’t see it that way.
