Stagnant heart. Low body temperature. Easily bruised. High levels of anxiety. Life-effecting depression. Rapid (and drastic) weight loss.
November 21, 2012. The day before Thanksgiving. As most of my peers began to prepare for their Thanksgiving feast, I sat in an armchair across from a doctor armed with a yellow legal pad. While my brother and sister sat at home, thinking about the mashed potatoes and corn bread they would devour the next day, I spent three hours divulging nearly every aspect of my 16-year lifespan, which led to the doctor running down a list of symptoms reported by my family, friends, and myself. One blood test and lots of tears later, the doctor laid down the facts for my parents and me.
I had Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specific—commonly known as EDNOS. While my disorder eating habits lend itself to anorexia, I did not fit enough of the DSM requirements for an official title of anorexia. My first thought upon hearing my diagnosis?
“My god, I can’t even do this right. I’m not even “good enough” at having an eating disorder.”
However sick and twisted the thought was, it's all too common for EDNOS patients to believe that idea. While bulimia, anorexia, and binge-eating disorder populate the media, EDNOS "develop in 4 percent to 6 percent of the general population, with 50 percent to 70 percent of the individuals who present for treatment of an eating disorder being diagnosed with such." For many patients, they possess a variety of the symptoms that pertain to the more known disorder, but not enough to receive the diagnosis of the specific disorder (anorexia, bulimia, etc).
When people first learned about my struggle with EDNOS during my junior year of high school, the first question is often why? Why I did what I did. There is a common misconception that patients with eating disorders do it to be more attractive, to get attention from members of the opposite sex, or to be more popular. While all of those reasons play a role into the disorder, for me, it came down to power. I am, was, and will always be a perfectionist. During high school, I pushed myself to take the hardest classes, participated in every show possible, and planned my future with scrutinizing detail. I did everything in power to be perceived as perfect. However, add in a highly competitive high school environment, an incredibly intelligent group of friends, and hormones, I could never achieve what I deemed as perfection. I came to the conclusion that I couldn't be the prettiest, the smartest, or the funniest. But, I could be the skinniest.
My perfectionism thrived off of the intense calorie counting, the constant working out, the discipline to ignore the hungry moans from my stomach. My perfectionism also caused panic attacks and long periods of depression, disappointment when I wasn't "strong enough" to ignore the pangs of hunger. I kept thinking that if I hit a certain weight, I would be happy and fulfilled. I was never satisfied, constantly seeking some new, unattainable level of perfection. My diagnosis of EDNOS felt like a slap to the face, that I wasn't even good enough at starving myself, that I didn't have enough self-control. In reality, meeting each "achievement" in weight loss also pushed me further into my warped reality. While I thought I had complete control in my life, I really had no control at all.
It's been almost three years since that appointment. In the months that followed, I went through therapy (both individual and group), weekly doctor appointments, sessions with a dietitian, and many missed classes. I cried a lot, threw many fits over what I was eating. I made my parents cry too many times to count. However, in those three years, I've made it to recovery. Attending school out of state was barely a possibility three years ago. Now I'm less than a month away from starting my sophomore year at Loyola Marymount University, spending the last two semesters on Dean's List. I graduated high school with honors. What changed in those three years?
I got help. As hard as it was, I admitted that I had a problem, that I had control issues. While I still am a Grade-A Perfectionist, I learned through therapy how to channel it in a healthy way. Slowly, I became content with who I am. It doesn't mean I don't have my bad days. Hell, I'll never date guy named Ed after this experience. Despite all of this, I don't let my EDNOS define me. While it may have consumed my life at one point, it is not my whole life.
As I write this article, I read a story on BBC about a woman who had to lose weight in order to be accepted into an anorexia treatment program. Others will be denied insurance claims because they do not have a diagnosis of bulimia or anorexia. This is a massive problem. EDNOS is just as harmful as other eating disorders. BMI cannot be used as the true deciding factor on whether someone needs treatment or is "sick enough" to receive treatment. We must educate both women and men on the nature of EDNOS--non-specific does not mean non-life threatening.
Since my diagnosis, EDNOS has been renamed and defined as OSFED (Other Specified Feeding or Eating Disorder. It now encompasses five subsets—Atypical Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, Binge Eating Disorder, Purging Disorder, and Night Eating Syndrome. If you or a friend are demonstrating any eating disorder symptoms, do not wait for a rapid weight loss to get help. You could already be suffering a major eating disorder with life-changing consequences. While it is hard to admit you might need help, or to tell a friend that they need help, you are saving a life in doing so. For more information about EDNOS/OSFED, please visit http://www.anad.org/get-information/about-eating-d....
For more information about Eating Disorders in general, visit http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/eating-disor....
