The sting of unrequited love goes deep and pierces fiercely. It seems to just hit your chest in that certain way, doesn't it? And it can happen anywhere. It can happen at the store, it can happen in a classroom, it can happen while you're on your phone,-- heck, it can even happen right when you are about to close your eyes to sleep and--

BAM!

--there it is. The all so familiar thoughts and feelings of loneliness and lack of self-esteem accompanied by a slight, but ever present, feeling of guilt for liking (or loving) a person that you feel you "are not supposed to."

So how do you feel better? How do you stop the pain and let the happiness sink in? Here are the ways I slowly allowed myself to be happy again.

1. Listening to Music

Music became my best friend and most trusted therapist. One time I was out with some friends and saw him. The guy that I liked who did not like me back. The great night that was full of laughter and great stories was ended by the image of him kissing another guy. It seemed as though all of the good emotions fell into the floor and all I could think about was the image of his lips on someone else's. I turned to my friends and said, "I'm going to the car. You can join if you want to or not, but I'll be back". And I went to my car and I pulled up "Lover, Please Stay' by Nothing But Thieves and just belted the tears out of my eyes. It was one of the most cathartic moments of my life because I wax so honest in the lyrics and allowed myself to feel the pain and live through it. It gave me to courage and ability to head back to my friends and ignore him in the corner with another guy.

2. Talking to your Friends

If you can find some close friends that you can trust, I would recommend talking it out with them. This is hard stuff that is even harder to go through alone. I tried to go through my situation alone and it kept me up at night, made me sick to my stomach, and even made me start to develop false senses of resentment toward the person I loved. Eventually, I was brave enough to tell one of my closest friends and he was able to listen and talk me through some stuff and even offer up some solutions to help too! Also, it means the world of a difference to admit it out loud and hear yourself say these feelings you have.

3. Explore How to Be Alone

Having this struggle of feeling inadequate or voiceless actually opens up excellent opportunities to try and find yourself. It's a secret little silver lining. When I'm feeling down, I go for a walk. I go do some yoga by myself. I go to a coffee shop and get work done or maybe just sit there and enjoy being aware of my surroundings. It helps to be within yourself and accept that you are you and you can only change you, you cannot change how others perceive you or react to you. I also found an extreme sense of independence when I was able to venture past the normal bounds of his and mine "territory" in my city. Finding a new place and allowing it to be the place you go for some alone time can be very healthy and liberating.

4. Taking a Nap

Sometimes you just need to take a break. A nap is a great way to do that! Just close your eyes and get the perfect you-time. Waking up from a nap always helps me feel refreshed and gives me some healthy distance from the situation. That distance allows me to think clearer about my options and also separates my emotions from my decisions. This can be so helpful in a situation of unrequited love because love is such a powerful emotion that it can influence rash decisions. And no one likes rashes.

5. Accepting the Realities of your Situation

Its hard to move on and allow yourself to be happy when you ignore the reality of your situation. For the longest time I was so certain that he was gay. Sure, he had a girlfriend-- and yeah, he's never said anything about being gay, but he still just has to be gay because I just sense it, right? No. I cannot make someone gay nor can I force someone who is gay out of the closet until they are ready. And for the longest time I didn't listen to reason about this one detail. It wasn't until I was sitting outside on a gorgeous day listening to some really good and uplifting music that I turned and saw him sitting with her. And at that moment I almost allowed my day to be ruined by that reality, but I looked at them and said to myself, "that is the reality. I cannot change it." And yes, he did happen to be gay and came out a year after that and now he is happily dating a guy who makes him happy. But, I would not have been happy had I not allowed myself to accept that I cannot change what I cannot change.

6. Cry It Out

It can get hard. It is hard feeling as though you aren't enough or being frustrated that you and your other are just "in the wrong place at the wrong time". Go out to a field or go in your car and just let it out.

Scream.

Shout.

Cry.

Do what you need to do to release these emotions and purge those toxic feelings of self-doubt or frustration. Once I had so much negative energy in me that I hopped in my car, drove about thirty minutes away to a secluded area of nature and just wept. I did what I needed to do to let those feelings out. He was in my thoughts and I needed to let it out and kick and scream and feel and I did-- privately-- without causing harm to myself or others.

7. Talk to them

I know it is terrifying. It might seem impossible. It might seem like the worst idea ever. But, when you feel like you are ready to accept whatever answer your other can give you, I highly recommend talking to them about it. If you are attracted to them, being honest with them can be one of the msg honorable things to do. However, that means being honest with your feelings and allowing them to be honest with theirs. This doesn't guarantee they will reciprocate those feelings, but at least you were honest to them. And I understand the fear of them casting you out of their life, but remember this quote from the good man Dr. Seuss:

"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind!"

Always remember that there are other resources than friends and yourself. Here are a few links that can help in any situation if you need them.

National Suicide Hotline: 1(800)-273-8255

National Counseling Group: http://ncgcommunity.com/mission-vision-values