Hello all, it's yours truly!

When I told my parents that I got accepted to be a writer for an online publication called Odyssey, they were surprised and also happy for me. So of course, like any parent would do when they hear that their child will be able to write articles, they asked me what my first post was going to be. I told them that I wanted to write an article about what not to say to people who were adopted. They were shocked by my response, but they encouraged me to write it anyway, and so I did.

So why did I choose this subject? Well, for one, I was adopted myself. I was born in Sierra Leone, Africa, at age 3 1/2 and was brought to America by an amazing family in Connecticut. Yes, I have some vague memories. No, I haven't been back to Africa since.

Now, some of you may be thinking "Wow, she just told me so much information!" and yes, I did. I told you a lot of information about me being adopted because I feel comfortable with talking about it openly, but I am not like most adopted people. A lot of people I personally know who were adopted don't really like talking about or discussing their adoption with people. So, because I am a person who is more open to discussing some details about my adoption, I've gotten countless questions asked. I thought I'd share some of the questions I have gotten over the past 17 years I've been in the U.S.

I do want to warn you that some of these questions might shock you, and they are all ones that I personally have been asked. Now without further ado *drumroll*:

1. "What happened to your parents?"

Do not ask this question unless you know 1000 percent that the person you're asking is someone who would feel comfortable opening up that much. Now, moving on.

2. "Do you remember anything? What do you remember?"

Personally, I don't like to share too many details about my past because I find it upsetting, and it's in the past and that's where I want it to stay for now. This question is sensitive, you never know what someone's story is or what happened in their past, and they might not want to share that.

3. "Do you like your adoptive parents better?"

Yes, I have actually been asked this question. Yes, I was amazed that they had the audacity to do so. That's all I have to say about this question.

4. "Do you know your actual birthday or did your family make it up?"

This question is annoying. Like, who thinks of this question? Apparently multiple people. My birthday is my birthday and I have a birth certificate. Not everyone who was adopted has a birth certificate from the place that they were born.

5. "Do you have a real name? What is it?"

There are children who get adopted and their adoptive families change their name, and there are children who kept their names. What my parents did was use all of my siblings' birth given names as our middle names. For example, my birth name is Kadiatu Dumbuya. My American name is Ashley Kadiatu Snow. Creative, I know. My parents did this so that my siblings and I would never forget where we came from and that part of our lives. Different families have different reasons. This question isn't a bad question, but you'll want to exchange the term "real name" with "birth given name" instead; it's more accurate.

6. "Did your parents not want you?"

People have asked me this question and people should stop. I usually get this question asked by insensitive people who keep trying to dig into my past. It often follows this sequence: "Where were you adopted from?" to "do you remember anything?" continuing into "what do you remember?" and then towards "what happened to your parents?" and making its way to the finish line and completing the race to the most insensitive question: "Did your parents not want you?" Whether it is meant jokingly or not, this question sits at the top of my list of what not to ask.

7. "Could your parents not have kids?"

This isn't the worst question, but it's a question that's meant for the parents. Long story short: If you don't feel comfortable asking someone's parents if they couldn't have (more) kids, then you shouldn't feel comfortable asking your friend. Why someone's adoptive parents decided to adopt is up to the parents' discretion. You have to remember that people who were adopted were 100 percent adopted for a reason. You will never come across a parent who adopted a person "just because." It is a process, and it can take years until you physically get your child.

8. "Do you use the fact that you were adopted on job applications and resumes and in interviews because you can?"

I get this question all the time. Yes, I am different from a majority of the population because I was adopted, but it doesn't make me more deserving of things than people who weren't adopted. Yes, if I am applying for a study abroad program or wanting to volunteer at a certain place, then sometimes I will talk about being adopted as a form of experiencing diversity or the fact that I was not born in America but live the American lifestyle. Everyone has things that could help them stand out, but it will never make them more or less deserving of things.

I wrote this because I want to bring more awareness about how to talk to people who were adopted. All I ask is that the next time someone tells you that they were adopted or you find out that someone was adopted, be more sensitive and think about the questions you want to ask. Trust me, we already know the questions everyone is always wondering -- we just don't always like answering them.

Peace and blessing.

xoxo,

Miss Snow