To all my loyal, dedicated fans out there (mom and dad) I think you'll be pleased to know that my hiatus is coming to an end. And for the rest of you, hi here's another post to skim through.
I took a little bit of time off from Odyssey for multiple reasons. Of course I couldn't just drop my editor duties and leave my creators hung out to dry, so I was still doing stuff behind the scenes, but as a creator, I disappeared for a short period of time. The last month of high school was crazy and I hate to use that as an excuse, but graduating is near the top of the list of weirdest feelings in the world. Those last few weeks of class were spent gazing at my classmates and wondering how many of them I would see after commencement. I wasted hours Pinteresting and planning a party to celebrate my completion of high school, which was actually so fun to organize. And I spent my last hours at the studio with the dancers I grew up with, all the while putting up with the frustration that accompanies the feeling of being uninspired.
My life is one big pile of terrible timing. Countless exciting things are happening right now but my brain just can't seem to find inspiration. Ideas and words should be pouring out of me, instead I go week after week with no content. It's infuriating as well as a bad example. I lead a team of creators and preach to them about consistency and creativity, but here I am! How can I expect other writers to look up to me if my writing has been nonexistent?
Don't get me wrong, I love to write. I love words. Sometimes there is a plethora of words coming out of my fingers that the combination of them doesn't even make sense. But other times I can only get one word out. I am forcing myself to learn how to manage both. It is important for me to learn how to open my heart and share my ideas, more than I have before. I need to learn to accept the fact that my work isn't perfect, but someone out there enjoys it. It doesn't have to be perfect, I just have to get the words out there.
My creativity comes in waves, sometimes it crashes and I am bombarded by ideas, and there are times of drought, like recently. I am my own creative roadblock and I am forcing myself out of the way. My pursuit of perfection has once again kept me from doing what I love, but frankly I've had enough. My words are not going to be perfect, but neither am I so at least we have something in common.
If none of this made any sense, at least take one thing away; this is my pledge to create often and to create honestly. My unrealistic desire to give perfect content held me back for an embarrassing amount of time, and I'm finished with that. So I'm back and more creatively frustrated than ever. Enjoy the mess.
