/ˌmisˌəndərˈsto͝od/
adjective
1. improperly understood or interpreted.
2. not appreciated.
Never in my life have I had such a strong desire to communicate clearly, effectively, and often.
I am suddenly aware of every single thing about myself. I’m also aware of how I’m received, based on the interactions with and reactions of others.
This is college.
There is something so beautifully terrifying in moving away to attend university. Almost everything a person has ever known is abandoned. Save for some clothes and perhaps an instrument or a coffee mug, every single thing is completely new or different. Even if one has moved his or her entire life, there is something so strange and novel in the act of moving to a new place and living there alone.
Dreams. Fears.
These two items always seem to appear hand-in-hand. Going to college meant beginning a new, independent life. It meant being open-minded to the endless possibilities of what a life could become. But going to college also meant having to figure out the age-old question: “Who am I?” Instantly, one could not simply utter inside jokes and expect to be understood, as what would have been the case around family or childhood friends. One is now consumed with the desire to connect.
Within the first six-or-so weeks at college, most individuals would find themselves working the full-time job of finding at least one person to call “friend”, if not “good friend” or even “best friend”. Even introverts would awkwardly insert themselves into public settings, and go so far as to attend social events, in order to find someone with whom they could bond.
Jump ahead a couple of months and relationships have been formed. People generally start to dig deeper into their friendships during this time. Although one might feel accepted, and cared for, a persistent void is still realized.
What one yearns for the most in any situation is to be understood.
It is truly amazing how one’s actions, intentions, facial expressions, and words can produce so many different “meanings” and interpretations. At times, what seems as entire theatrical productions ensue based on the drama found in the dialogue between two “main characters”. In these moments, chaotic and fragmented, one can sometimes find him- or herself taking part in a monologue in another show on a different stage. Although able to produce something beautiful and moving, this “actor” couldn’t help but to feel alone in this part of the play.
And misunderstood.
This is a strange reality that I believe so many experience, and yet sense cannot be made of it. People have friends, good friends. They even seem to connect well with said friends. And yet, despite this connection, one can still feel so under-appreciated. One can feel as though no one truly understands them.
I wish I could conclude this with the words, “just do these things, and you will feel truly understood,” but I cannot. Frankly, I’m not sure if there is a simple solution. Feeling accepted and a part of something, yet simultaneously feeling completely misunderstood, is a complicated matter.
What I can offer is some advice, however. I’ve experienced this time and again throughout my life, not just in college. And I think it perhaps continues on beyond college as well.
Here is what I’ve found:
1) It takes effort, intentionality, and time.
Not all people want to try to truly understand you. It’s going to take some major investigating to find these rare gems. When you do find them, you can’t just spill out your entire life onto them. Building this relationship takes time.
2) It’s a two-way street.
If you want to feel truly accepted and understood, chances are this person or these people do too. Listening to peoples’ stories can really do a lot for your own. Sometimes, their realizations and life-events can completely change your outlook on a portion of your life. Be patient, kind, and the last to speak. They are struggling just as much as you.
3) Appreciate those who do understand you.
Your family. Your friends from back home. Never, never, never take them for granted. They are special people. Cherish them.
Misunderstood.
It’s one of the worst and most difficult feelings to deal with.
Yet, even if you never find someone at school or beyond who understands you, there is hope in the fact that God will always understand you. One never needs to explain anything to Him. He totally understands you. And accepts you. And loves you.
I think that that is something that is forgotten all the time. Perhaps if we remembered the truth found in God’s love, we would feel more appreciated and less...
(mis)understood
