It’s more than just being nervous about something. Everyone gets nervous from time to time. It’s normal. Anxiety is not that. Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is more than that. GAD is a real mental health condition that affects 18.1% of adults in the United States. Chances are, you probably know someone who has anxiety. Anxiety can affect nearly every aspect of a person’s life. If not, you do now. I struggle with anxiety, and it’s taken its toll on me at times and crippled me in ways that are unexplainable.
I have avoided going through with plans at times, bailing at the last moment, and then spending the entire rest of the time worrying about what you think of me. I have had times where I needed you to go with me somewhere because I couldn’t go alone, and all the while I worried that you thought I was being a baby or being needy. I have avoided calling people, or made other people do the calling for me because the thought of talking to a stranger on the phone causes me to have a panic attack, while worrying that people think I am anti-social or weird. Speaking of which, I have had panic attacks, shaking all over, feeling like I just ran a marathon even though I didn’t. All the while, worrying that you were thinking that I was doing it for attention.
I also try to hide my struggle because when I am open about it, I hear the same things and I am tired of hearing it. You may tell me to take deep breaths. To calm down or to stop worrying. You quote Philippians 4:6 to me. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” I get that you are trying to diffuse the situation but it doesn’t always work. I know you’re trying to help. But this is why I am writing this. I want to be fair to you. I want you to get a glimpse into my world and know that I am not ignoring what you are telling me.
When I get put into a situation that makes me feel anxious, I feel like I am struggling to keep my head above water. Every single moment makes me feel like I’m one single breathe away from being swept under. The more I struggle against the current and try to stay afloat, the higher the water will rise. When you tell me to “calm down” or “take deep(er) breaths”, I am feel like I am forced to struggle against my anxiety and the water just continues to rise.
When you use phrases that imply I should be able to control my anxiety, this is what I want you to know. That if I could stop being anxious and stop those feelings, I would have by this point. I have felt like this for seven years. If I could have done something to stop it, I would have. The emotions aren’t a choice or something I wanted to have in my life.
I understand that you want to help me, but trying to help me rationalize feelings that I’ve spent the last seven years trying to understand myself, doesn’t work. My irrational fears, my irrational emotions. They can’t be understood. Instead, I ask that you do this: Acknowledge that you see me struggling even if you don’t understand. Pray for me, but don’t ask me to pray. Listen to me, but don’t go offering up solutions. Know that I am not asking you to fix me or make the anxiety go away. You are my friend. Not my therapist.
Please remember too, that if you're struggling, you're not alone. If you have friends who don't understand what you're going through, I urge you to share this with them. Help them help you.
