Going to the bathroom in a nightclub or a bar is always the same. It always takes 15 minutes of waiting in line before you can even get into the bathroom. It’s so unfair how much easier it is for men, in and out in four seconds. On top of that, they always get along. You never hear about men getting in fights in the bathroom, nope, only women. Men just say hi and leave. Women, however, are much more complex when in the bathroom. There are many types of girls you run into when you go to the bathroom.

The crier.

There is always someone crying. Her boyfriend was mean, her friend ditched her, she’s failing her class, she fell or lost her purse/phone/wallet. Usually it’s the boyfriend or the purse. Everyone hugs her and tells her it's going to be fine. She is probably the reason that the bathroom looks so crowded, even though no one is actually using the bathroom, just crowding her. I mean, hey, I would cry too. Purses are expensive.

The consoler.

“You don’t even need him, he isn’t even cute, you deserve so much better!” “You don’t even need a phone, it’s a new age! Start a trend! Your parents wont be that mad! Get a flip phone!” “It was seriously time for a new purse!! You don’t need any money!! I’ll buy you Gumby’s.” “OMG, cancel your credit cards right now. It will be fine as long as you cancel them right now. Call the bank.”

The make-up queen.

This girl has the entire mac store in her tiny little purse. (Thank god she didn’t get it stolen.) She has concealer, powder, mascara, blush, lipstick, she’s got it all. She comes to the bathroom probably every hour to re-put on all of this so she looks flawless all night. And I have to hand it to her. I do not look very good at the end of the night, but my purses are too little and also I really don’t care what I look like at 2 a.m. when I’m eating Chick-fil-A.

The gossiper.

Something just happened that was so crazy and insane and then a girl spilled her drink on her and that was so rude. And also her ex is here with another girl and wearing a different sorority's shirt which is just so not cool. But I really like their shirts. We should do that design.

The screamer.

This girl is just screaming because she’s drunk and she likes to. I used to be this girl when I was a freshman/sophomore, so I guess it goes away with age.

The “clown car” girls.

This group of eight friends all squeeze into one stall so they don’t all have to wait for their own. This is nice, because then the next person in line gets their own, but then they take up an entire stall for like, 20 minutes. This causes the line to move much more slowly. Which leads me to my next type, one we all really don’t like.

The line-skipper.

We don’t like you!! You think you are so cool because you skip the line!! You push people and you laugh and you ignore us when we tell you to stop and your future is not going to be very bright because the world isn’t as nice as us ladies in line for the bathroom!!

The problem causer.

This girl is always calling out the girls who skip. She gets into a screaming fight with them that ends in nothing because the girl stops fighting back when she gets into the stall she skipped in line for. Then this girl starts to bang on the other stalls and yell “hurry up." Then she pushes people out of the way when she tries to leave. I honestly respect her because I would never yell at people like her and also I am afraid of her.

And, finally,

The girls taking selfies.

We all know where you are. The lighting is just too good, you have your whole clown car squad in the bathroom with you and your friends just gossiped about the girl who was yelling at the girl who skipped in line. That bathroom mirror selfie was so good, you can’t help but scream about how amazing it is and if they don’t save it, you’re going to cry. I have so many of these it’s truly not normal.

Us girls got to stick together. The only way we’ll make it out of the bathroom alive is if we quickly and quietly do our business and then exit with a smile and a wave.