Whether it's a failed relationship, the loss of a loved one, or any number of other things that cause your heart to ache, we've all experienced this pain at some point in our lives. We've all felt that dull ache in our chest that results from thinking about that person too much or remembering something that will never happen again. It is arguably one of the worst pains you can feel because it isn't treated with any sort of medicine, healthy food or rest. This pain can only be cured with time, courage and a lot of love.
It can't be cured quickly, but there are a few ways that you can treat it. These are just a few things that I have found are helpful when you're experiencing heartache.
1. Fill the emptiness with something good.
When someone leaves, the space they had filled is now an empty one. The first step to feeling better is to fill that void. Do something you enjoy or find a new hobby. Spend time with your family or make a new friend. Get a pet or buy a book. Watch an entire TV show on Netflix or take up exercising. The list of things that you can do instead of sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself is endless. Think about everything that you like to do and pick one. That's where you need to start. Do something you like to do and it will put you on the right track to feeling better.
When my last boyfriend and I broke up, it broke me for a while. I knew that I didn't want to be with him and that we were meant to go our separate ways, but it didn't help the fact that I could feel the emptiness in my life. He had wiggled his way into my heart and now that space was empty. I needed to find something to fill the void. I let myself dwell on the pain for a while before I turned to my family. After that, I turned to my career and my hobbies. Eventually, I couldn't feel that empty space anymore and the pain had dulled a little.
2. Talk to someone.
Sometimes we think it's easier to deal with something on our own, but it isn't healthy. That doesn't mean you shouldn't trust in yourself and spend some time alone. That is a good idea, too, but you need to talk to someone about what you're going through. You don't need to deal with the pain on your own. Turn to someone that you trust and care about. Odds are that they trust and care about you, too. They want to be there for you to help you through this. This could be a good friend, a family member or even a teacher. Do not feel like you have to deal with this alone. Not only that, but it may be helpful to hear what they have to say. They might point out something you missed before or they might give you some advice that you needed to hear from someone you know.
When I was experiencing heartache, I talked to my mom. She helped me to deal with it by telling me she loved me, helping me to feel empowered and letting me vent to her. She comforted me when I was having a panic attack and she loved me when I was feeling down. My best friend continually told me she was there for me and the rest of my family did the same thing. Once you let them in, they will cover you with their love and support. You just need to trust them to help you through the pain.
3. Love yourself.
This is a time when you will often find yourself feeling unloved, unwanted and alone. As I mentioned before, it's a good thing to turn to the people in your life who do care about you, but it's also a good thing to start looking at yourself. I'm not a believer of the quote, "You need to love yourself before anyone can love you." That's ridiculous, but I do think it's a good idea to love yourself. I know it's hard, but it's possible. You will always have someone out there who loves you, I promise. It might be your mom, it might be your grandma, it might be your best friend, it might just be me, but there will always be someone. You don't need to be concerned about that. Be concerned about the part that you can control. You can look at yourself and see all those flaws, or you can look at yourself and see all those good things. Look at your beautiful hair, look at that A you got on your exam, look at you getting out of bed today, look at you making it through the day without crying. There are so many little things about you that are amazing, wonderful and completely lovable. You just have to find those things. Once you do, being alone will be a lot easier and this will help your heart ache to fade. Your heartache will turn to love for yourself.
I chose to look at myself as a queen who no longer needed a king around. I stopped looking at the mirror with tears in my eyes and instead smiled at my reflection and gave myself a compliment. I started to only say positive things about myself. I told my friends that I was a queen. I told my family that I was a queen. I told myself that I was a queen. I became a queen. Who doesn't love a great queen?
4. Look forward.
You're in pain now, but we both know that it's temporary. You've been hurt before, but does it still hurt as much as it did then? No. That pain faded and so will this pain. You just need some time to get past it and then you'll be ready for the next step in your life. To treat your heartache, you need to think about the future. Think about all the goals and dreams that you have. Make more goals and dreams. Create a plan to help you succeed. Instead of sitting there feeling sorry for yourself, start thinking about what you're going to do next. You might need to focus on your career so that you can move forward. Maybe you need to clean yourself up and go out. You can't meet your soul mate if you sit on your couch all day. Work hard in school to get that education you need. There are so many important things to focus on in your life. Stop moping and get to it. Your heart isn't going to heal itself overnight, you need to work to move forward. Start thinking about your future and all of the great stuff that you have planned for it.
I started to write more, photograph more and I got a new job. I put all of my focus into those three things and it helped me immensely. I was suddenly moving forward and getting closer to where I want to be, which not only helped to treat my heartache, but it helped me to become so much happier than I ever was before. I was tackling my goals head on and reaching them. Sometimes you need to feel a little pain to get yourself to move forward.
I have been through this myself, time and time again, and I got through it. It's really, really hard. It hurts a lot and it feels like it's never going to go away. Whenever my friends go through this, I feel for them. I feel their pain and I mourn their loss, but I push them to move forward. I tell them that they need to find something to fill the void, to talk to me whenever they need someone, that I love them and that they need to love them self, and to look forward. I'm not a psychologist and sometimes my friends don't listen to me, but I don't stop supporting them and pushing them to take care of themselves because I have been through this myself. If you have a friend dealing with heartache, I ask you this: love them, support them and be there for them. They probably feel unloved, unwanted and alone. Help them to realize how wrong they are and encourage them to move on. Heartache isn't fun and someone going through it needs lots of time, support and love.
You can get past it. I support you. I believe in you. I love you.
