To The Boys Who Treat Me Like A Bro But Also Like A Fragile Girl

To The Boys Who Treat Me Like A Bro But Also A Fragile Girl

First off, I'm neither.

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Sup Bro,

First off let me start by saying I am not one of your bro's nor am I a girl. Lately, I have realized that I do not fit in either of those boxes. I am somewhere in the middle of "dudeboy who can bullshit with the bro's" and "was born female and dates girls so I can talk to them too". That being said, I fit in more on the masculine side of that spectrum. Just because I fit in on one side of a spectrum does not make me a bro or a chick.

Aside from that, I love you guys. You know that. We wear the same clothes, have the same hair, like to match outfits, play sports together, talk "guy talk", and work on "guy stuff" together. I will say that most of my female identifying friends don't know much about cars or construction so it is nice to have people in my life that understand how frustrating it is that I have had issues with the same tire FOUR TIMES THIS YEAR and that I want to go into construction instead of being in college but I chose this path instead. All that being said, there needs to be a line in the sand.

You treat me like one of you until something happens and you realize that when I was born I had an "F" put on my birth certificate. Sometimes you think that letter makes your voice just a little bit louder than mine and you realize that I am five foot three inches and suddenly you stand a little taller than me. I always try and deepen my voice because I hate my high-pitched voice but it goes even lower around you all, but on days like that it sounds squeaky like a mouse.

Days when you realize that I might not be able to dead life a box that is almost half my weight, I'm 125 pounds with a lot of health issues that you don't know about because I can't be seen as the weak link. Or days, when I speak out about issues I am passionate about my voice, is silenced by you. When I don't hit on other girls with you. When I don't think a girl has a nice rack or ass because I look at her eyes first, I get laughed at. When all of these things happen, it fucking sucks.

To my conservative bros: I love you and I support you. Your MAGA hat just does not fit me and it never will. I believe that your beliefs are valid until they disrespect me or people I care about. How can I be your bro if you treat me like one and then silence me on Facebook when I stand up for the women that I love or the LGBTQ+ group that I am in or anything else that your President is against? You act one way around me and my friends, you treat us with love and respect and say you accept us. Then you go home and hide behind your keyboard only to silence us and our beliefs because you know that I will fight for what I believe in to your face or on a screen. Is it because you are afraid that someone who was born a female will embarrass you in front of your male born friends? It's not a matter of being "owned" or being shown a point, it's a matter of pride. My pride for the communities I am involved in will always shine brighter because I have had to fight to be involved in them.

To my liberal bros: I love you and I support you. You all don't care about my views, you support them and agree with them. Thank you for that. However, vocal support and encouragement in the face of your conservative bros is really appreciated. It's hard to fight alone. Apathy is worse than hate. We need you on our side and we need everyone to know that we are here and we are not going anywhere. I may be seen as a liberal, however, I'm not. I'm a Democrat. I believe in what I believe in and I need the voice of the bros. Sometimes all I need is people with an "M" on their birth certificate-after all, your voice is deeper.

You all are people just as I am. If you are in my life, there is a reason for that. I would not let you in my life if I did not want you in my life. I just cannot have my voice silenced or my views judged because you suddenly remember what genitals I have. Your opinion is no more valid than mine. If I were your girlfriend, mother, etc., would you still treat me the same way? Would you still tell me that Brett Kavanaugh is having his life ruined while Dr. Ford is a liar even while I tell you how I was sexually assaulted in tenth grade and I remember every detail? Would you still degrade women in front of me? We can get along without silencing my voice or yours. Our relationship can be built on a mutual understanding of values and respect just like any other. Just because I was born a female doesn't mean I am one, and just because I fit in with the guys doesn't mean I am a bro. Our relationship can be equal.

I love you guys,

Casper

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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How To Cope With A Best Friend Breakup


Breaking up with a boyfriend is one thing, but breaking up with your best friend is a whole new level of heartbreak.

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We all know breakups can be tough, but when that breakup happens to be between you and your best friend, things reach a new level of heartbreak. I met my best friend junior year of high school after our Spanish teacher randomly assigned us to be partners; we struggled so much in that class but in the end, we truly became inseparable. When senior year rolled around we were still close as ever; people would often joke that we were sisters because we looked and acted so much alike. We would go on little dates together, go to parties together, and were always the first person we called when something "major happened."

When my best friend's boyfriend of four years cheated on her while we were spring breaking in Europe, it became my duty to make her feel better; I would randomly drop off flowers and little notes to her house, spend countless hours just listening to her cry and vent, and even stopped talking to people associated with her boyfriend so as to show my "support." All of these things were no big deal to me considering I loved this girl like a sister; whatever she needed I was there to give that to her.

Things soon took a sharp turn when we entered not only the same college but the same sorority. While I was struggling with the social aspect of FSU, my best friend soon found new best friends. When I started having major issues with my boyfriend, I would automatically text/call my best friend as she did with me, but instead of support, I got the sense that she was passive and uninterested. Our little dates and goofy inside jokes disappeared and reappeared between her and her new friends, and my comfortableness around her soon turned into insecurity.

Coming to terms with the fact that the girl I knew everything about is now basically a stranger was a hard one to overcome; I didn't want to accept the fact that my best friend decided it was time to find new ones. It's heartbreaking knowing that the special things you shared with a person are now being shared with others, and it's hard to accept the fact that you aren't wanted or needed by the one person you thought would be by your side forever.

Since school has ended I think I have accepted the fact that we're no longer what we used to be. Of course, it still stings when I see social media posts with her new, college friends, but I just have to remind myself that this is part of life and I just have to move on. I will forever cherish the memories I made with her, but it's time to acknowledge that they were made with someone in my past, not with someone in my present.

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