" Baby, can't you see--I'm calling--A guy like you--Should wear a warning"
Britney Spears said it best, men that are toxic should give a warning so us women know if we should pursue. Or should they? Could being in a toxic relationship actually be a good thing? For me, it was.
I was in a relationship awhile ago and it was the best and worst time of my life. The best part of it was that I was in love, I was happy and I thought I have found my person, but it was also the worst because I wasn't cared for as much as I deserved, I was taken advantage of, and I wasn't a priority.
I'm a very independent person, and I believe every person should be their own person before being in a relationship. However, I didn't have this mindset until after my break up.
Digging back into the the past and the feelings I went through: I remember feeling used because I would go over to his house, he would use me for what he wanted (sex, company for loneliness, someone to take problems out on), then he would tell me I had to leave.
I remember feeling unimportant because he would put me on the back burner and he would focus on work, school, work, his friends, family, car and other women. He knew I would always be there for him, no matter what, so he abused that until it came to me. What I found important in my life, he said he did not care.
Sad, tragic love story, right? Here comes the positive part.
First, let's just say that I am free! I am out of the relationship and I am happy. Don't get me wrong, I was pretty broken after the relationship for five months, but I learned so much and grew.
I realized, after being in a relationship, that I was really dependent on him. I wanted to be with him and I wanted to do everything and anything for him. When we split, I didn't have anything. I didn't have friends because I was so invested in him, I didn't have habits because I followed him and my job was right by his so I could barely enjoy working.
I had to get my life back, I had to get me back. That's when I picked up yoga, it was a great way to release stress, and I had to cut off my thinking for at least 30 minutes and put all my focus on yoga. Along with yoga, I picked up a healthier lifestyle in general and a healthier mindset of myself.
I reached out to friends and reconnected. I made plans for lunch/dinner, had nail appointments, movie nights and just got my girls back.
Something that is really important to me is that I focused more on my family. I got so much closer to my mom. She became one of my best friends while still being an amazing parent (love you, mom). My sister and I became real sisters; we started having in-depth conversations, sharing secrets, complaining about stupid things and eating too much chocolate. My nephews became a great distraction because they have too much energy to be distracted by silly boys. And my dad and brothers became the men that I look for in a future relationship.
Overall, my health, my well being, my mental status and my self-love is all strong and thriving. I am the happiest and the healthiest I have ever been.
I went through fire, wind and rain and came out a better woman with higher standards, a stronger back bone and higher thinking of myself. I love myself, I love my life and I love my future to come.
Shout out to my ex for making me a better person.
-XOXO
