A few months ago, I got out of a long-term relationship that was just not working out and proved to be toxic for us and those around us. It was the best decision to break up, but one that I had spent a long time pondering. We were in the same friend group at school, which made it even harder. I learned a lot in the aftermath, and it really helped me grow. I learned that I felt so much more free without him, without the drama, and enjoyed spending more time with friends. But despite all the “You’ll be ok!"s, there are a lot of things you miss, and no one really tells you what happens after getting out of a toxic relationship.

1. It’s hard being alone.

Your single friends will tell you, “You’ll be fine. I’m single!” Those are the ones who probably have never been in a long-term relationship. But the ones who have will tell you straight-up, “I miss having a boyfriend or girlfriend." And while you do not want your ex back, nor do you want a specific person, you realize that you definitely miss having someone who's there for you no matter what, and will hold you when you're sad.

2. You miss the cuddles and kisses the most--the physical connection.

Everyone craves human attention--doesn’t matter if you're a new born baby, a married adult or a grandparent. I saw my ex nearly every day, so having someone to lay next to me plus cuddle with and kiss was the best. But breaking up, that’s what I realized I missed the most. Not having that physical connection is hard--but being in a bad relationship is worse.

3. You get closer with friends and family.

I go to school away from home, so I don’t see my family that much. But I saw my ex-bf everyday, and that made him feel like family, like someone I could rely on. But once we broke up, I ended up getting a lot closer to my friends and family- cause let’s be real, boyfriends are whatever, but family is forever. Plus, I reconnected with old friends who I had pushed away due to the issues I was having with myself and my ex. It was refreshing to have more than one person to tell everything to, and to spread out that person who is number 1 into five people. By this, I mean you have more people to talk to about your days. Often, upon coming back to my dorm, I would hear things like “That creepy guy in my math class asked me out AGAIN” or text a friend saying “let’s go see this movie tonight”. I now had so more people to share my life with, and it was because I had gotten this toxic person out of my life.

4. It's hard seeing them with someone else.

You do NOT want them back--but it's still hard to see them with someone new. Holding hands, doing things you used to do, posting pictures together. It’s difficult, to say the least. You’ll be ok, though, knowing it’s not you and you’re no longer in a relationship that wasn’t meant to be.

5. Seeing the person again leaves mixed emotions.

The first time I saw my ex post-breakup I instantly thought, “It’s you!” and smiled. But then I realized I was not happy to see them, and the smile had been an ingrained reaction. They were no longer this light in my life--and that is hard. On the bright side, I expanded my horizons, and now have multiple people who I can smile at and think, “It’s you!”

6. You may end up deleting them from social media to avoid seeing them.

You may not be able to cope with seeming them in person, let alone on social media. I ended up unfollowing him from Instagram, and deleting him off Facebook/Snapchat to avoid seeing him. It’s hard seeing them, whether there doing good or bad, whether the relationship ended good or bad. Don’t feel bad for deleting them, or rejected- realize that it’s better for you, what you want. By deleting them, the temptation to talk to them is gone. After all, you can’t drunk text someone whose number you don’t have.

7. You want to move on, but compare others to him.

I did end up, shortly after, meeting a new guy, but I often find myself comparing him to my ex--his mannerisms, how he treats me, the pet names he has, how often he texts me--and it's hard to stop. But most of the time, I’m realizing things like, “Oh, right, this is how I’m supposed to be treated,” or “Wow, I did not realize I was doing [blank] when we hangout." It made me feel better that I was improving, and that the people I was meeting were better for me than him.

8. You realize who your true friends are.

I learned over the span of a few months who my true friends are or aren’t--who was there for me when I tried to break up with him and couldn’t, who was there for me after the breakup, which friends stuck to his side on the breakup. I realized who my friends were, and ended up spending more time with “home friends” because they were there for me. Take negative people out of your life, who say they care about you, but actions say otherwise. You deserve people who ask you how you are, who want to spend time with you, or chat with you about your day. Make sure you do reciprocate, or else you could be on the receiving line of losing a friend during a rough time in their life. I lost a few friends during my toxic relationship due to not being a good friend; I will not let this happen again, and it’s easier now to see who is there for me.

9. You know you made the right choice.

Hopefully, post-relationship,you get out and realize how much better your life can be. And you constantly play T-Swift’s classic "We are Never Ever Getting Back Together." I hope that as you look back, you are as confident in your choice to break up as myself and Taylor Swift are. Enjoy your freedom, and shake it off.