Every relationship is unique and different, and so, each definition of an ex is too. With that said, sometimes exes can fall into certain categories that need to be addressed. One such classification that must be discussed and dealt with is the toxic ex or an ex that has since turned toxic.
Looking back on the relationship with said ex, you might not think they could be this kind of person. They made you laugh, they took you out, you had fun together. You made what you thought would stay happy memories.
But, unexpectedly it ended badly. This person who you hoped would be there for you, the person who made you smile is now the reason your hands shake with anger or your eyes fill with tears.
There are almost endless ways that break-ups go south. It sucks, but it's true.
No, this doesn't mean it is inevitable or going to happen to you.
When things end badly, what can you do? It seems logical to reach out and try to salvage the relationship into a friendship for some people. But, this only works if both people make the effort.
And sometimes, you may both want that, but you realize that it will hurt you more than it will help you. It's okay to put yourself and your emotional well-being before your ex's. I'm actually encouraging it.
It's not okay for an ex to randomly check up on you, to ask you if you're seeing someone new, or to stir up drama about what you put on social media. You don't owe them an explanation as to what you're doing in your life after them. The decision was made to separate your romantic lives, so honor that decision.
You are also not responsible for their life. You are not their mother or spouse, and as mentioned, you're not even sure if you're friends.
Boiled down, toxic exes are people who need help, plain and simple. This isn't meant to be mean, just honest. People who manipulate, take advantage, and demand explanations they aren't warranted are in need of help from their own support systems, and in some cases, professionals.
I know it's hard to watch someone you loved, or in some ways still do, struggle. Maybe you feel the need to help, and it's also okay to feel like this. This just means that you're human and that you're caring.
Never think that is a weakness.
But, caring also means self-care and realizing that taking the verbal and emotional abuse from them doesn't help either of you. How can their wrong actions towards you, result in a happy and healthy outcome for them?
I am not making a blanket statement for all cases of abuse or serious altercation, but in this scenario, you have the power to stop being a victim. You don't have to take the heart-breaking comments or piercing slurs they call you, you can remove yourself in any way possible.
It may come off as harsh, but don't let them drag you down with them. Sometimes they need to hit their version of rock-bottom before they can get better.
This isn't about being selfish. This is about self-respect and respect in general. Love and relationships are not meant to be traps. Genuine love and respect don't ask you to sacrifice yourself without cause or reason.
You shouldn't feel guilty to laugh and smile again. You should feel happy.
