If He Says 'You Make Me Want To Be A Better Person,' Remember It's NOT A Compliment | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Swoon

If He Says 'You Make Me Want To Be A Better Person,' Remember It's NOT A Compliment

No one should be relying on another person to make them better people.

4378
If He Says 'You Make Me Want To Be A Better Person,' Remember It's NOT A Compliment
Warner Bros.

A lot of us have been there; he smiles at you sweetly, gives you a look that could melt your heart, and you let yourself fall into the kindness.

He tells you, "you're such a good person; you make me want to be better."

Your heart is a flutter, you're drowning in the sickly sweetness of what you take as one of the nicest things someone has ever told you. It's so easy to read it as though it's an admirable thing for anyone to say, but the reality is, no one should be held liable for making you want to be a decent human being except yourself.

It's one thing for people to bring out the best in each other.

When you find your happy place in the company of the people you love most in life, that's one of the greatest things in the world. That example of the "bettering" of one another comes organically. But to only find a desire to be kinder, more selfless, more decent because another person is kind, selfless, and decent is putting way too much liability on the other person, and it means not taking responsibility for yourself.

By telling me that I'm the reason he wants to be a better person, he's putting me on a pedestal that I cannot possibly live up to all the time.

He's holding me liable for his desire to stop his negative behaviors rather than it coming from a true desire to be better. If being with me or around me is the only reason he's decided he needs to get his act together and start being a decent human being, I'm here to tell him that he should really reevaluate.

Because what happens when we break up?

What happens if we have a falling out for some reason or another, and I'm not longer in his life to "inspire" him to be better? His desire to be better disappears alongside me, because his desire never really came from his heart anyway. He go back to the same negative behavior that he had in the first place unless he came come to the realization that being a good person has to come from a real desire within.

I don't have the time to pander to people who can't take responsibility for their actions.

It shouldn't have to be my job to show anyone what being a decent human being looks like. His parents should have instilled that in him when they were raising him, and if not that, he should have been able to recognize elsewhere what kindness and decency looked like in other people so that he could emulate it himself. If he's a grown adult who says he didn't recognize what being good meant until he met you, that says more about him than it does about you.

The point of all of this is simple; it is an extremely important life lesson to learn that you are not responsible for anyone's actions and feelings except for your own.

You are not accountable for the decisions someone else makes, and that's the truth. No one is dating someone with the intent on raising him and teaching him how to behave or exist as a functionally member of society, and no one should have to.

I'm not saying it's a red flag to hear it. Often times it is said with good intentions and sometimes it is meant in the organic sort of way I mentioned before. But my advice if you're ever told this; think about it. Consider it a pink flag, one that makes you do some evaluating before you smile bigly and accept the comment as though it is a badge of honor.

Above all, hold people responsible for their own actionsanddon't let them make you feel responsible instead.

Report this Content
Entertainment

Every Girl Needs To Listen To 'She Used To Be Mine' By Sara Bareilles

These powerful lyrics remind us how much good is inside each of us and that sometimes we are too blinded by our imperfections to see the other side of the coin, to see all of that good.

129294
Every Girl Needs To Listen To 'She Used To Be Mine' By Sara Bareilles

The song was sent to me late in the middle of the night. I was still awake enough to plug in my headphones and listen to it immediately. I always did this when my best friend sent me songs, never wasting a moment. She had sent a message with this one too, telling me it reminded her so much of both of us and what we have each been through in the past couple of months.

Keep Reading...Show less
Zodiac wheel with signs and symbols surrounding a central sun against a starry sky.

What's your sign? It's one of the first questions some of us are asked when approached by someone in a bar, at a party or even when having lunch with some of our friends. Astrology, for centuries, has been one of the largest phenomenons out there. There's a reason why many magazines and newspapers have a horoscope page, and there's also a reason why almost every bookstore or library has a section dedicated completely to astrology. Many of us could just be curious about why some of us act differently than others and whom we will get along with best, and others may just want to see if their sign does, in fact, match their personality.

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

20 Song Lyrics To Put A Spring Into Your Instagram Captions

"On an island in the sun, We'll be playing and having fun"

29427
Person in front of neon musical instruments; glowing red and white lights.
Photo by Spencer Imbrock on Unsplash

Whenever I post a picture to Instagram, it takes me so long to come up with a caption. I want to be funny, clever, cute and direct all at the same time. It can be frustrating! So I just look for some online. I really like to find a song lyric that goes with my picture, I just feel like it gives the picture a certain vibe.

Here's a list of song lyrics that can go with any picture you want to post!

Keep Reading...Show less
Chalk drawing of scales weighing "good" and "bad" on a blackboard.
WP content

Being a good person does not depend on your religion or status in life, your race or skin color, political views or culture. It depends on how good you treat others.

We are all born to do something great. Whether that be to grow up and become a doctor and save the lives of thousands of people, run a marathon, win the Noble Peace Prize, or be the greatest mother or father for your own future children one day. Regardless, we are all born with a purpose. But in between birth and death lies a path that life paves for us; a path that we must fill with something that gives our lives meaning.

Keep Reading...Show less
Health and Wellness

10 Hygiene Tips For All College Athletes

College athletes, it's time we talk about sports hygiene.

27221
Woman doing pull-ups on bars with sun shining behind her.

I got a request to talk about college athletes hygiene so here it is.

College athletes, I get it, you are busy! From class, to morning workouts, to study table, to practice, and more. But that does not excuse the fact that your hygiene comes first! Here are some tips when it comes to taking care of your self.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments