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The Top 10 Struggles Of Being Lactose-Intolerant

YOU try living without cheese, ice cream, and milk.

Mackenzie Malley

Aug 10, 2017

Villanova University

325

The Top 10 Struggles Of Being Lactose-Intolerant

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Never listen to a Cosmo advice article. Two years ago, before my senior year of high school, I made that fateful mistake. I read an article that said to help clear up acne, one should try a dairy-free diet. Being about a month out from my senior pictures, I kissed milk products goodbye and waited to become beautiful. Not only did I still have a zit on my chin for the photo shoot (Bless Photoshop), but I lost a little piece of my heart that month- I became lactose-intolerant. If you're not sympathy crying for me at this point, I want to make this clear- I UNKNOWINGLY MADE MYSELF INTOLERANT OF ICE CREAM, CHEESE, AND MILK. Thank you for your tears. As you can see, I'm still coming to terms with this. Here are the top 10 struggles I have encountered since that fateful diet:

1. Pizza is literally served at every social event

In my previous life, I was the ultimate pizza fan. I'm from Chicago, okay? I live for deep dish. Quickly after becoming lactose-intolerant, I realized how central pizza is to our social lives. Pro tip- every college student's dream phrase, "free food", usually can be translated to "free pizza." You'll find me at this free food event in the corner with a free bottle of water silently crying.

2. Being forced to break up the ultimate duo: grilled cheese and tomato soup

You thought the Brangelina split was tragic? Yeah, think again. Try eating a lukewarm bowl of tomato paste without its beautifully gooey sandwich sidekick.

3. Having to spend $8 for a pint of almond milk ice cream

This has to be discrimination of some kind, right?! Ben & Jerry's almond milk chunky monkey is the reason my college meal plan took such a big hit. Also, please make better flavors of lactose-free ice cream. Is a decent chocolate or cookie dough flavor too much to ask for?

4. Life without cheese

Literally enough said.

5. Summertime isn't the same without ice cream

I don't care what anyone says, slushes, Italian ice, water ice, Popsicles, and whatever frozen treat you can think of will never be an adequate substitute for ice cream. NEVER.

6. Friends and family forgetting you're lactose-intolerant

Trust me, I get it. I'm the friend who can't split the cost of a pizza with you, has to embarrassingly grill the waiter about every item on the menu that could possibly contain dairy, and can't binge watch Netflix with you while eating a tub of ice cream. But I'm about one more "Oh wait! I forgot you can't eat that!" away from stapling a "I AM LACTOSE-INTOLERANT" label to my forehead. You've been warned.

7. Having to say "no whip" to the Starbucks barista

Pumpkin spice lattes will never be the same for me. Sorry, you're going have to give me a minute. I'm starting to tear up again.

8. Forfeiting the right to dunk cookies in milk

Have you ever looked at such a perfect chocolate chip cookie that you thought you had to be dreaming? And you couldn't wait to get yourself a cool glasses of milk to dunk it in? Yeah, this is where this "dream" turns into a nightmare for me as the cookie scorches the roof of my mouth because I CAN'T HAVE MILK.

9. Having to interrogate the waiter about dairy in every item on the menu

"Okay, but does this have dairy in it?" "Wait, but is that a cream sauce?" "Can you make that without cheese?" "Stupid question, but is that coconut flavored yogurt or is it yogurt made from coconuts?" "Are you going to spit in my food for all theses questions?"

10. Constantly debating if you can cheat and eat the dairy product

Ah yes, the true ultimate struggle of the lactose-free life. One time I had to miss school with a horrible stomach ache because I cheated and ate deep dish pizza the night before. Hey! Don't judge me! You try living without pizza!

Alright, wipe your eyes. While I have many more lactose-intolerant struggles to tell, I'll let you grab a tissue to clean up your running mascara. I told you life without cheese, pizza, and ice cream is scary to imagine. I can close my eyes and tell you every single detail of the last bowl of mac and cheese I ate before dairy decided to hate me. All I ask of you is that the next time you bite into a gooey piece of pizza or lick a giant scoop of ice cream, think of me and all those who can't enjoy the beauty of dairy. And also, don't take advice from a Cosmo article.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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The Top 10 Struggles Of Being Lactose-Intolerant

YOU try living without cheese, ice cream, and milk.

1. Pizza is literally served at every social event

2. Being forced to break up the ultimate duo: grilled cheese and tomato soup

3. Having to spend $8 for a pint of almond milk ice cream

4. Life without cheese

5. Summertime isn't the same without ice cream

6. Friends and family forgetting you're lactose-intolerant

7. Having to say "no whip" to the Starbucks barista

8. Forfeiting the right to dunk cookies in milk

9. Having to interrogate the waiter about dairy in every item on the menu

10. Constantly debating if you can cheat and eat the dairy product

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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