Heights. Ghosts. Darkness. Death. Crowds. Public speaking. Rejection. Spiders. Flying. Failure.
The only characteristic these ten things have in common are that people fear them.
When you tell someone what you fear, what’s the first thing they tell you?
“Face it,” they’ll say. “Face your fear and you won’t be afraid of it anymore.”
I think this is a myth. Facing your fears head on does not always mean you will get over them, it does not always mean you will not be afraid anymore, and it does not always free you from them. Sure, you may feel liberated after. Sure, it may make the next time you need to face it easier, but it does not mean you will be cured in that exact moment.
This cliché gives people false hope that they will escape their fear after the first try. We need to stop pretending that fear is something that can be cured in the blink of an eye or even overnight. Getting over a fear is a process. It’s something that needs to be worked on a little every day. It’s something you can measure by growth and not by destruction.
I am an eighteen year old college student with the same amount of braveness as a five year old. People my age live off the feeling adrenaline gives them. Me? I like to live off of food, water, and other safe non-fear inducing things. I have never ridden a roller coaster. The closest I've ever come to one was Splash Mountain at Disney World, and I cried throughout the entirety of the ride. I was fifteen. Now, I know what you’re thinking. What teenager doesn’t enjoy amusement park rides? Hi. My name is Elyssa Willard. It’s nice to meet you.
Picture this. You have a fear of heights. Someone tells you to face it head on in order to get over it, so you take on the ultimate challenge and go skydiving. You do it. You jump. You land. It’s over. After, your friend asks if you want to do it again, and your immediate thought is god, no, never again. This reaction does not mean you failed at overcoming your fear. It does not mean you are free from it, but in no way does it represent failure. When we are not cured as fast as we expect to be, we get down on ourselves. We shouldn’t.
The girl who couldn’t stop stuttering during her PowerPoint presentation? She left her last presentation halfway through. At least she stuck this one out. She should be proud.
The boy whose voice cracked when he asked you out to dinner Friday night? The last girl he tried to ask out rolled her eyes and laughed at him with her friends. Cut him some slack. He should be proud.
The fifteen-year-old girl that cried on Splash Mountain? At least she made it through the whole ride without throwing up. She should be proud. In fact, she is proud.
Finding pride within ourselves is more of what this world needs. We need to start giving ourselves more credit here. We get mad, thinking we’re foolish for being afraid. Fear is good. It keeps us on our toes. It exposes vulnerability. Making any kind of progress towards it should be rewarded. We need to start celebrating failure. It shows we're willing to try.
