I hear you loud and clear: “It will never work.” “I’m probably going to fail, so why try?” “Someone else will do a better job than me.” When you speak like this, it makes me hurt for you. Do you honestly have no confidence in yourself, in your abilities and talents, to even dream of succeeding? Answer me this--are you happy where you are? I don’t mean resigned or merely settled, but genuinely and honestly happy, to the point where you’re satisfied with where you are in life. If you’re a pessimist, probably not. Just because there are worse fates out there doesn’t mean you have to settle for consistent unhappiness in your life.

Speaking of worse fates, try to imagine what the worst possible scenario would be if you signed up for that activity or started that project or asked that person out. Most likely, you’ll do a fine job and you won’t lose all your friends and the world won’t go up in flames. The worst that could happen is that you find out you don’t like that activity, that you don’t exactly know how to do the project, that the other person says no. What happens then? You find a way to move on from these situations and not allow them to control you. Within these examples, you can quit the activity or change your position in it. You can ask for help with the project, or for clarification in the assignment. You can decide to stay friends with the person and find someone else. You might not be able to control your circumstances but you can control how you react, and your reaction is everything.

So, you say, what do I do when it seems like tragedy has become my reality? When I have to leave everything I know and have to start a new life? When all my friends have left me alone in the dark? When someone I love dearly is suddenly gone? You mourn what you have lost, and give yourself the time and space to do so. Your response is that you keep living. You will never forget, but you see how to survive your life with each day that goes by. It may take years for you to appreciate what you have instead of fixating on what you don’t, but eventually, your life persists and you are able to find joy again.

This could easily be addressed to my former-self as well as to the current pessimist, as fearing the worst used to be my outlook on life. It was a gradual change, but eventually I decided I wanted to first see the good that can come out of the world. Happiness is not innate, but a learned reaction. It is acknowledging the bad but consciously focusing on the good.

Believe me, I know it’s hard to continue on after something terrible has happened. What’s even worse than fixating and not moving forward is criticizing those who are able to keep going. In assuming they must be hiding something, you are trying to validate yourself without making any real changes. You are hindering your own ability to recover and keeping yourself in your self-imposed bubble of misery. However, the absolute worst thing you can do is spread your pessimism to others, like some sort of enervating disease. Not only are you flaunting your own flawed wisdom, you are causing another person to drag themselves down with you, limiting yourselves. The thing is, if you looked around at the world instead of looking down on it, you would find things to be grateful for. Even after awful, life-changing circumstances attack you, there is still hope. So instead of picking at the flaws you find, use your critical eye to see what needs to be done and change the situation. You will find a reason to smile again.