If the thought of leaving home has been lingering in your mind, do it. It's scary, it's stressful, it's worth it.
Uprooting your comfortable lifestyle at home will not be a comfortable transition. Your sense of self and sanity will be compromised from time to time, and you'll stop wanting to look at your bank account in fear for what you might (or might not) see. Hearing your mom's voice over the phone will make your heart stutter, and calling your now long-distance best friend will make you second guess your ability to fly solo.
And if you're in a long distance romantic relationship—well, don't be. That may sound harsh, but giving a new home a real chance means cutting a few strings. Life goes on, and you'll find that those who are meant to stay, will.
In the absence of those who fade into your memories, you'll feel an aching gap and desperately want to fill it. New experiences, places, and people will start to patch you up again, but you still won't be whole. You will begin to search for someone or something to fill the remaining gap, and spoiler alert: you don't have to look very far.
It'll be in moments of teary-eyed journaling or hungover heaves when you'll realize that what you've been searching for this whole time is yourself. Cliché? Sure. But true? Yes. And that's a pivotal moment, it's where the struggle truly begins—but it won't feel all that glorious yet. You're going to be lonely.
It's time to spend some time with yourself. This will take more energy and commitment than any other relationship you've had. Sure, you can be productive and exercise, or go out, party and get wasted to escape, but at the end of the night, after the yoga class has been dismissed or the bartender has announced last call, loneliness will be patiently waiting, sitting at home contently, smiling its condescending little smile as you walk (or stumble) through your front door.
For a while you'll come home to loneliness, eagerly jump into the ring with it, maybe make it through a couple of rounds, but always seem to end up getting knocked onto your ass. Then in an epiphanous moment, it'll dawn on you: what if you don’t fight it?
You'll spend a few Friday nights in, read more books than you ever had, graffiti your journal's pages, and if you want to do something, well, you'll just do it. You'll dream and plan for the future here, and you'll reminisce and learn from the past back home. There will be a few seconds of watery eyes, until they turn into a few minutes of flowing tears, until you finally look up at the mirror between ragged breaths and laugh at the red-eyed, blotchy-faced mess that you are.
Yes, you'll learn to laugh at yourself, too, you big cry baby.
It won't seem so scary anymore. Some Friday nights will be spent contently within the pages of a novel, and others will be out acting reckless with new friends. Some mornings you'll need a good cry before you get out of bed, and others you'll learn to say enough is enough and pick yourself up. And then eventually you'll stop with the pep talks altogether and just live.
So if your heart sparks at the thought of something more, fan the fire. If your life feels predictable, surprise yourself. If you feel like you don't belong in the world you've always known, chances are, you don't.
It's time to join the dance and realize there's only one true constant in life, and that is change.
