To The Girl Who Feels Like She's Lost Everything

You are going to be okay. You may not see it now, but you are going to get through this. I have been in your shoes. You will survive. He is not your world. Her opinion of you does not define you. You have so much to look forward to.

She was my best friend. When we met freshman year, we just clicked. Our love of writing, learning Spanish, and dogs kept us close. She got me into anime, something I would have never expected. She was Shakira, I was Beyoncé. She was Russia from "Hetalia", I was Latvia. We texted constantly. We had a Google Doc where we would share YouTube videos and memes. I had never met anyone who got me like she did.

I remember Ze Google Doc of Awesomeness. I remember the selfies. I remember APUSH. I remember going to the pool in the summer to see him while he was working. I remember the hours watching YouTube. I remember the laughter. But I also remember the screaming. The yelling. The tears. The begging.

The boys who saw what was happening and chanted "Fight!" I remember the look you gave them as you walked away. I remember unanswered text messages. I remember awkward graduation parties we were both invited to.

I met him freshman year as well. I remember the first time I saw him; he was really tall. And kind of cute. I ignored the feeling, considering I was head over heels in love with another guy (who wanted absolutely nothing to do with me). Coincidentally, he became friends with some of my friends, including my best friend.

The three of us were basically inseparable starting towards the end of my sophomore year. I finally began to accept that I was falling for him at the beginning of junior year and took a chance and asked him to the Girl's Choice dance in February.

I remember the look of happiness when I did, the awkward hug after he said yes. I remember the confusion of the two months afterward of not knowing exactly where we stood. I remember when we first held hands on our first date in April. I remember our first kiss on a picnic blanket later that month.

I remember junior prom, him whispering, "It's only us, don't worry about what other people think" when I looked worried as we were dancing. I remember all those times he beat me in bowling and mini golf. I remember Fourth of July. But I also remember you telling me that you couldn't see me in the mornings because she would be there. I remember you telling me I was too emotional. I remember Halloween. I remember the phone call that ended it all.

I felt broken and defeated for a long time. I felt like I needed them in my life; it was like they were oxygen. I hid in the shadows. I put walls around my heart. I shut the world out.

That was then. This is now.

I'm thriving. I am genuinely happy. The love of my family and friends keeps me going. I am pursuing my dreams. My heart is open to new experiences and to new love.

Thoughts of them are gone for the most part. I don't think about either of them every day. They are only memories to me, some of them painful and some of them sweet. All learning experiences. I wish them both the best.

If I can get through my painful experience, you can too. People say there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and they are right. You will get there, I promise. Remember, everything good takes time.

Stay strong. You still have so much going for you. You did NOT lose everything, I swear.

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