To the disheartened single:
I was you once. And no, I don't have a boyfriend now.
I am still as single as ever - single, just not disheartened.
I want you to know that this Valentine’s Day, you don’t have to remain disheartened either.
I know what it feels like to feel insecure and then on top of that, look around and see many of your friends sharing their lives with their special-someone.
If you’re feeling kind of bummed today - you’re definitely not alone! But I don’t want you to end your day here.
I want you to be able to be happy for your friends who are in relationships and are having a great day today.
BUT more importantly, I want you to be happy for you today.
My friend wrote this letter to herself when she was struggling through a season of loneliness. It’s absolutely beautiful. Reading it has uplifted me, and I know it will uplift you!
To the you that is struggling through singleness:
Your time will come. Our God has already planned your future. There is no need to worry. It is tough to live in a society that advertises love as something everyone should seek for, to the point of settling just to experience love. God’s got you! This is your year of restoration. You already know that. You are called to a season of rest. God knows exactly what you need and what you can handle right now. You need to make sure you take care of you. “For the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper and not forsake you." Your time will come indeed. A man should not fill the empty void you are feeling. That is God’s place. God will satisfy your needs. His plans are made perfect. What you have planned for yourself may not be what God has planned for you. But let me say, His plans are going to trump your plans!
You are going through a season of singleness. Singleness has been something you have been battling for many years. That is ok. You are learning to live in the contentness of God. You are faithing that God has someone locked in for you. God doesn’t want to set you up for heartbreak. So why rush into something just to have it, but then need to deal with the pain? That is not God’s intention. His intention is for you to feel unconditionally loved and nurtured. Singleness is a time of self-discovery. Focus on yourself and others around you. Love on them HARD. Don’t worry about the future because God has got that covered. Your man will come. Your significant other is being perfectly prepared for you. God can love you the way you want to be loved. God will not break your heart. God will not leave you. God will not let you down. He has you in a season of singleness because that is what is best for you at the moment.
Ask and you shall receive. But doesn’t that sound a little ironic? I asked God for a boyfriend, but He hasn’t given me one yet. He hasn’t even let me experience what its like to be in that kind of loving relationship. Why is this? Because that is what I want for myself. Ask God if you are ready for a relationship. Ask Him if that is what He has planned for you in this moment. If not, that’s okay. Use this time to get closer to Him instead, because your relationship with God will lead you to your man one day. I just know it! Our God is so good. I do not doubt any of His works. It will happen soon.
Don’t waste your time internet stalking your crushes, rereading through the texts he sent you. Try not to let your mind wander off, imagining about it. In reality, during your season of singleness, you are NOT single. You are in a relationship with God. Use this time to grow closer to Him.
-- With much joy, Mimi :)
I have been fortunate enough to have friends like Mimi who have offered me lifesaving pieces of advicehave encouraged me during this season of single-hood. Their advice has completely altered the way I view this season of life that I’m in right now. I now confidently embrace my singleness and enjoy every minute of it! You can too. These are some of their important thoughts that I’ll leave you with as you continue to mature and learn to embrace this incredible part of your life.
"LIFE GOES BY SO FAST. THE SINGLE YEARS MAY FEEL LIKE FOREVER, BUT TRUST ME, WHEN YOU’RE FINALLY IN A RELATIONSHIP, THERE WILL BE MOMENTS WHERE YOU’LL WISH YOU WERE SINGLE AGAIN!”
I have heard so many people in relationships tell me, “I wish I had just cherished my single years more! I love being married - don’t get me wrong, but the freedom and independence of singlehood is precious. When you’re in a relationship, it can be hard work, and you can’t freely make decisions without consulting your partner first. When your life is meshed with someone else’s, you always have to put their needs before your own.”
So now that you’re single and free, cherish it! Embrace your platonic friendships (your truest friends are people you need to continue building a friendship with; don't make the mistake of only prioritizing your "significant-other;" your friends are SIGNIFICANT too!), make new and good friendships, invest in your favorite hobbies, travel if you can, focus on learning about things you’re passionate about, read great books, spend time with family. Be all and do all that is UNIQUE to who you are. Most importantly, seek a relationship with God. He will direct you and show you how to truly find meaning in your life - no person and activity can help you reach this important end.
"THE RIGHT THING AT THE WRONG TIME IS STILL THE WRONG THING...SO WAIT!"
Don’t ever, ever rush into a relationship! Who you choose to date or marry is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. Hollywood has romanticized relationships to a point that it has largely failed to address the fact that romance is not happy, sunshine and flowers. It can be for the MOST part if you wait to meet a compatible person when you're truly ready to be in a relationship. However, if you're NOT ready and you rush into a relationship with someone you're merely attracted to and not compatible with, you are more than likely to get on an emotional rollercoaster that will leave you drained, sad, and unfulfilled.
When I was in high school, I found that talking/dating guys who I thought could be potential boyfriends was incredibly fun and ego-boosting (yes, very shallow) and so I would rush into these romances without thinking them through. I became so distracted and got myself involved in so much unnecessary drama! My grades dropped and sadly, most of my conversations with friends become revolved around the dramatic episodes of my love-life instead of really listening to my friends and getting to know them better. I really wish I could go back in time and stop myself from getting involved with people too quickly only to have things end quickly and all too dramatically.
One of my mom's really good friends said this and I'll never forget it:
"I only got married because I felt like everyone else was. I learned the hard way that rushing into a relationship is never the right choice. The night before the wedding, I cried and did not want to marry a man I knew I was not compatible with. But I did anyway and now, we're still married but we live separate lives. If I could be young again, I would have told myself to stay single instead. I would be so much happier."
So, being single has its advantages! And you are definitely NORMAL if you are! Do not let anyone make you feel otherwise, and please don't rush into a relationship because of outside pressure. The regret of doing so simply is not worthwhile.
"BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WON’T (AND SHOULDN’T) ELIMINATE YOUR INSECURITIES."
I know from personal experience that we tend to jump into romantic relationships because we think that all of our problems will be solved if we do. We'll have someone to tell us we're beautiful, smart, funny, etc. etc. We'll always have someone to care about us and be there for us at our lowest. They'll make everyday a GREAT DAY. Unfortunately, I have learned that that fantasy is simply NOT TRUE. If you feel insecure about yourself, you will be walking into your relationship with those very same insecurities. In fact, your insecurities will be magnified when you're in a relationship with another person because all of a sudden, you become so preoccupied with making sure that person doesn't cheat on you or stop loving you. You then enter into this vicious cycle of jealously, distrust, and pain. This is why it is SO IMPORTANT to be secure in your identity FIRST as a PRECIOUS, VALUED, AND WHOLE human being before you start dating someone else. You need to have a Christ-centered confidence that enables you to know that whether or not your significant-other stays or walks out of this relationship, your life will not completely fall apart because God is your Rock and only He can provide you with true stability.
Finally, remember: Becoming the "right person" is more important than finding the "right person." Cultivate a heart of genuine love. Then when the right person comes along, you'll be the right person for them too. You can read more about this here
I am 100% with you on this journey, and maybe when I've attended too many of my friends' weddings in the future and feeling all "always the bridesmaid, never the bride," I will pull this article up and read it once more :)
We all need to be reminded again and again that our hearts are valuable. Don't allow your worth to be defined by whether or not you have someone to spend Valentine's Day or not. You are worth SO MUCH MORE than that. You are loved simply because you have a Creator who would do anything for you. God's love may not be incredibly tangible at this point in your life, but when you seek for it, you will find it.