Lost in the Pursuit of Finding 'The One'

Lost in the Pursuit of Finding 'The One'

Are you the person you want your soulmate to be?
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Every person has at some point in their lives entertained the thought of meeting "The One."

Even in music, pop music is mostly about "The One." On social media, you are bombarded with photos of your friends with ‘their ones.’ Family members and friends always make sure to ask if you’ve found someone yet.

A big part of living a successful life is measured by whether or not we have found "The One." I know this because I wince every time my favorite celebrity couple announces a divorce. I feel sad because a part of me feels like someone failed. I want to know who cheated, who walked out -- who was the one who failed in the relationship, so that I can somehow learn from their mistakes.

Whether you believe that there is such thing as "The One," or not, the truth is, we all long to find someone who can give us the butterflies and be there to make us feel valued, complete, and happy forever.

As a result, much of our young lives are consumed with fantasizing about meeting the perfect person who will invigorate our lives with their amazing personalities, dashing looks, admirable ambitions, and most importantly, their ability to love us whole-heartedly.

Having a set list of expectations for "The One," is completely normal and healthy. However, in our pursuit for "The One," we often forget that people aren’t perfect, and we are even disappointed when we cannot check every box on the mental checklist of expectations we have of the perfect person.

In our pursuit for "The One," we have utterly forgotten to ask ourselves, Are we "The Ones?" Meaning: We have all these expectations of "The One," we are trying to find, but if we were to ask ourselves if we meet up those same expectations, do we?

How can we expect to find a person who meets those expectations if we are not even trying to live up to those same expectations ourselves? It’s easy to say we want A, B, C, D and E in a person; yet, we aren’t living up to those same standards. We hold ourselves to a much lower standard -- at least I know I have in the past.

So I urge you, instead of focusing all of your drive and energy in finding "The One," (or perfecting the one you are with right now), take the time and energy to measure yourself up against the same standards you have for the other party.

1. Finding someone who will make you his/her top priority.

We all want someone who will place our needs above their own. Ideally, we all want someone who is going to stay up to all hours to make us feel better even if they’re exhausted and have a million other things to do. They’d be willing to sacrifice that time even if they didn’t feel like it.

With that being said, I want to ask you, are you willing to make this person your top priority? It’s really easy think that you will in the beginning, but when the butterflies aren’t there anymore and you have finals to study for and you’re consumed in your own problems, are you willing to push that all aside and make time for the simple reason of wanting your significant other to be happy?

2. Finding someone who is going to be generous and responsible.

We all want someone who will lavish us with gifts, take us out to nice places, and who will always have a giving and generous spirit -- all the while being responsible with their finances and planning ahead to make sure you’ll be taken care of in the long run.

Are you willing to be giving and selfless, even at the expense of your own wants and needs? College students, we all know our funds are limited. Therefore, money is hard to come by, and it isn’t always easy to save for your significant other when it seems like we have a million other things we need for ourselves instead. While it feels nice to be spoiled, are you willing to give as much, if not more, than you take?

3. Finding someone who is going to be the biggest fan of your life.

You want your soulmate to lift you up when you’re low and reassure you that they think you’re awesome 100 percent of the time. When you’ve messed up, you want them to be there for you to say that they’re there for you no matter what and everything will be OK.

Somewhere along the line, your significant other is going to disappoint you, and that’s okay because no one is perfect. But will you be able to accept them for who they are, flaws and all? Or are you only willing to fan over them when times are good and both parties are putting their best face forward in the relationship?

4. Finding someone who makes you a better person.

Not only do you want "The One," to make you happy, but more importantly, you want this person to be mature and have good values so that they compliment your personality and enhance aspects of who you are so that you are the best person you can be. This person will not be dependent on you to complete them; they will lovingly lead you but never assume control over you so that you have the freedom to love life and love others.

Do you have the character and maturity-level it takes to help your significant other be a better person? I’m not saying you’re there to be this person’s life-coach and personal motivational-speaker, but even in the small decisions you both make together, will you help maximize this person’s potential, or will you unintentionally hinder this person’s growth instead? Will you be sure to not force your own will upon this person so that he or she will never have to compromise his or her values? Can this person be with you and feel a healthy sense of freedom as opposed to unhealthy entrapment?

5. Finding someone who is forgiving and faithful.

You want this person to be with you through it all, through everything - when the sky is falling and the birds aren’t singing and the whole world seems to be going against you. You want "The One" to be faithful even when it is hard. In hard times, you aren’t always going to be nice, so they are also going to have to forgive you even when you’re obviously in the wrong. Commitment isn't one-sided; you have a big role to play too. When emotions run high, commitment seems like the easiest thing in the world. But can you be faithful when it is hard, especially after your significant other has really annoyed or wronged you? Are you willing to lay your pride down and say sorry when you really don’t feel like it?

I know those are really big questions that we don’t like asking ourselves because if we’re being honest, we don’t know if we’re at a place in our lives where we can make a commitment like that. And that’s OK -- it only means that instead of dreaming about finding "The One," spend your time becoming the person you want your soulmate to be.

Cover Image Credit: http://a.dilcdn.com/bl/wp-content/uploads/sites/8/2013/02/Paperman_disney-short.jpg

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8 Reasons Why My Dad Is the Most Important Man In My Life

Forever my number one guy.
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Growing up, there's been one consistent man I can always count on, my father. In any aspect of my life, my dad has always been there, showing me unconditional love and respect every day. No matter what, I know that my dad will always be the most important man in my life for many reasons.

1. He has always been there.

Literally. From the day I was born until today, I have never not been able to count on my dad to be there for me, uplift me and be the best dad he can be.

2. He learned to adapt and suffer through girly trends to make me happy.

I'm sure when my dad was younger and pictured his future, he didn't think about the Barbie pretend pageants, dressing up as a princess, perfecting my pigtails and enduring other countless girly events. My dad never turned me down when I wanted to play a game, no matter what and was always willing to help me pick out cute outfits and do my hair before preschool.

3. He sends the cutest texts.

Random text messages since I have gotten my own cell phone have always come my way from my dad. Those randoms "I love you so much" and "I am so proud of you" never fail to make me smile, and I can always count on my dad for an adorable text message when I'm feeling down.

4. He taught me how to be brave.

When I needed to learn how to swim, he threw me in the pool. When I needed to learn how to ride a bike, he went alongside me and made sure I didn't fall too badly. When I needed to learn how to drive, he was there next to me, making sure I didn't crash.

5. He encourages me to best the best I can be.

My dad sees the best in me, no matter how much I fail. He's always there to support me and turn my failures into successes. He can sit on the phone with me for hours, talking future career stuff and listening to me lay out my future plans and goals. He wants the absolute best for me, and no is never an option, he is always willing to do whatever it takes to get me where I need to be.

6. He gets sentimental way too often, but it's cute.

Whether you're sitting down at the kitchen table, reminiscing about your childhood, or that one song comes on that your dad insists you will dance to together on your wedding day, your dad's emotions often come out in the cutest possible way, forever reminding you how loved you are.


7. He supports you, emotionally and financially.

Need to vent about a guy in your life that isn't treating you well? My dad is there. Need some extra cash to help fund spring break? He's there for that, too.

8. He shows me how I should be treated.

Yes, my dad treats me like a princess, and I don't expect every guy I meet to wait on me hand and foot, but I do expect respect, and that's exactly what my dad showed I deserve. From the way he loves, admires, and respects me, he shows me that there are guys out there who will one day come along and treat me like that. My dad always advises me to not put up with less than I deserve and assures me that the right guy will come along one day.

For these reasons and more, my dad will forever be my No. 1 man. I love you!

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To The Best Friend Every Girl Should Be Blessed Enough To Have

You definitely deserve all the love.

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I have not written this letter, but it has been on my list of "to write" for forever. She keeps asking when I will write one about her and every time I tell her, soon.

Well here it is. The truth on why it took so long? No words seem to do everything justice. No matter how I put them or how I want them to sound, the page always makes them look weird and they always sound lame.

But finally, here it is. Best friend, this one is for you.

First and foremost I will start with a holy cow. We have been best friends for only a short time because who knew your "in school friend" from all those math classes would actually turn into this? We put off hanging out outside of school for years, and finally, after suffering through all that algebra we decided enough was enough.

I wish we had sooner.

I wish I had gotten more time with you before we both moved away to college - but ill take whatever time I get with you because well… you're incredible.

Thank you.

Thank you for finally agreeing to hang out with me.

Thank you for listening to every rant ever - whether it was a paragraph long text, a 2 hour FaceTime call or an hour-long car ride.

Thank you for ordering planners with me and spending nights decorating them with me (we are such losers).

Thank you for letting me become a part of your family.

Thank you for going to Friendly's, IHOP and Target at the most ungodly hours.

Thank you for encouraging me in everything I do, and stopping me from making bad decisions.

Thank you for telling me the truth, despite if it hurt me or not, I know now you will never lie about your feelings towards someone (LOL).

Basically, thank you for everything you have done for me. You have made me a better person and you encourage me to be my best self every single day.

Moving on I want to make it clear how incredibly proud of you I am. I love getting texts from you about your love for your classes, and how you want to be president of this club and president of that. How you help out kids, and how you host events. I love hearing about your major and the classes you are so incredibly excited to take. Watching you be so passionate about what you are doing and becoming makes me want to feel the same way in everything I do.

I hope someday my kids are your students because, in your hands, I know they can change the world.

Last but not least, I love you. And you're stuck with me.

Love,

Your forever number one fan

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