I’ve always had this obsession with the idea of being someone’s number one. I always wanted to be the person that other people wanted to pick first. I wanted to have that best friend who I was always with and always talking to, or I wanted to be in a relationship because then I would always have someone to depend upon.

I thought that if I had this person to depend upon, I wouldn’t be so consumed with loneliness. If one person always thought of me first, I wouldn’t be lonely anymore.

This term “loneliness” has always caused conflict in my head. It sometimes does not make sense why I feel lonely when I’m surrounded around people who love me all the time. It didn’t make sense why I hated being alone for more than 10 minutes or for me to be immensely depressed when I wasn’t included in a little something, but I don’t think I’m the only one who considers themselves lonely even when they don’t know why they are.

We are these creatures that are created to feel special and loved and cherished. We want to feel needed and crucial in people’s life. We want to know that people believe in us.

If you are a person constantly struggling with loneliness and feeling insignificant, this equation is for you. This is an equation made by a person majoring in Communication, so there will only be one number.

You, lonely one, are so marvelous that you can be your own number one.

This concept is something that still makes me uncomfortable because I depended on other people to be my source of happiness for so long that the idea of creating my own happiness was absurd. I always heard of people saying that you can laugh at your own jokes because you’re hilarious. You can have a dance party in your room at 11:30 p.m. by yourself to enjoy your own company. You can go on walks with yourself and become friends with the stars.

The idea of doing all these things was ridiculous to me, until I decided to actually pick up a hobby. I was always interested in writing, but the day I decided that this was something I was passionate about was the day that life became a little less lonely.

As a person that was eager to satisfy others, I always put other peoples' interests above my own. I followed their passions and their hobbies, never once considering my own interests. When we ignore the stirring interests in our hearts, it leaves us empty. At least, that’s what was going on for me.

When I found this sweet piece of me, I began to enjoy being with myself. The more time I spent with myself, the more I began to learn about myself. The more I became a student of myself, the more I really understood and loved myself. Once you love yourself, there’s no turning back. You begin to be able to do those things like dance with yourself in your room close to midnight and laugh at your own jokes. In the midst of all of this, you’ll realize that you began to pick yourself as your own number one.

You are wonderful enough to pick yourself as your own number one. Be so kind to yourself that you fill your life up with your passions and interests. You are allowed to make yourself happy. You don’t need anyone else to pick you first. Please love yourself enough to put yourself first.