For the first time in my life, I felt defenseless. I'm usually the one who is able to conquer everything, but this I wasn't 100 percent sure about. It's insane how quickly your life can change in the matter of seconds.

On April 19, 2016, I was diagnosed with Stage 1 Thyroid Cancer. I didn't know what to think. I remember just sitting on the bench emotionless at the doctor's office when she told me. Although, finding out and knowing before surgery and finding out the outcome after surgery are two completely different things.

As soon as I was told that I had cancer, I got a recommendation for a surgeon that I was to go see as soon as possible to talk about the surgery and the options. I have never had surgery in my life, so the fact that I wasn't panicking at this point was amazing.

The meeting with the surgeon went okay, although I did express that I didn't want to be taking medication for the rest of my life. She said she would try the best that she could to keep me from having to take medication but there were no promises. That 50/50 chance is what kept me going because I hate medication. The surgery was then scheduled for June 16, 2016. The wait for surgery to come was the longest wait ever, which also included some "mental breakdowns" between the day I met with her and the day of surgery. Before surgery occurred, I had gone back to get a second sonogram of my thyroid to see if it was possible to keep half of it in so I wouldn't have to take medication for the rest of my life. We were pleasantly surprised with the results, and the surgery was scheduled as a half, possibly total removal of the thyroid.

The day of surgery finally came and I arrived at the hospital around 10:30 in the morning. I still had yet to break into a panic attack, which completely blew my mind. They registered me, gave me two hospital bracelets, one for a possible allergy and one with all of my information on it and they sent me into a different room to get changed into hospital gowns. This is where they also tried to put the IV in my arm, and completely failed in the process (it later ended up being in my hand, and my hand still is sensitive to this day). Soon enough, 1:00 PM came around and they walked me into the operating room to be knocked out. My surgeon was standing next to me and as they were knocking me out I was crying to her saying that I was scared.

I woke up around 3:50 PM in recovery freaking out because I couldn't stand to be under the two blankets and a sheet they had me wrapped in. The nurses told me to calm down and removed the blankets and the sheet. I sat in that room until about 7:00 with my family alternating turns to come visit me and feed me Italian ices. At 7:00, they had to move me to the recovery room on the floor below because the one I was in closed at 7:00, so my nurse helped me into the wheelchair and attempted to get me downstairs without walking me into any walls and doors, which didn't happen. I did get bumped a few times, but I wasn't in too much pain that it mattered, I just laughed it off.

After a few more hours in the other recovery room, I got to watch a bunch of happy people go home. Around 9:30 PM, it was finally my time to leave, along with the boy who was in the next bed over. While waiting for our rides at the entrance to the hospital, we asked what had happened to each other. He had gotten into an accident on a motorcycle, he was very lucky. I told him about my cancer and he was shocked to hear that I was only 19 and having to go through this. When my ride arrived, I wished him a speedy recovery and all the best, and he said the same back to me. To me, this was one of the best moments I had experienced that entire day, and I don't even know why.

I eventually arrived home where the recovery began. Two days later, my parents decided to inform me that the surgeon had to remove my entire thyroid because the cancer had seemed to have spread to the lymph nodes and the second half of my thyroid seemed questionable. Hearing that news made me instantly wish I wasn't here anymore. I know, it's a horrible thing to say, but since I found out, I have found myself drifting away and thinking my life is completely ruined. The nightmare of having to take this medication for the rest of my life was literally turned into my reality without me knowing. Inside my head, my walls of stability seemed to come crumbling down and sent me into this weird state of depression that I hated being in years before. Admitting this outright in this article is something that I questioned doing, but I'm writing to help myself comprehend what is happening.

Overall, I think I'm pretty lucky. I have said at some points that I wish I wasn't here, but that's only because of what I'm learning to deal with as of right now. It's all still too new to me to get used to and I know it's going to take some time. Eventually my walls will build themselves back up again and I'll be okay, but until then, I'm just stuck to face my reality. If I had never gone to the new doctor for a physical/sick visit, I never would have known I had cancer.

The past few months after finding this out have been quite overwhelming. I still can't find it in me to believe that I actually had cancer, it's such a scary thing and no one ever thinks that it's going to be them. I thought I was invincible, that nothing was ever going to be able to tear me down. I was kind of wrong, but I know I'm going to continue to kick cancer's ass.

Thanks to all who have taken the time out to read this, I'm really hoping that this will get onto the screen of someone who wants to hear a story like this, whether they're going through cancer or they know someone with it. I hope this helps. And to all those cancer patients and survivors, stay strong.