1. "Do you have any coupons out right now?"

Coupons are ALWAYS on the store website or you sign up when we ask for your email; you'll get all the coupons so you never have to ask again!!!!!

2. "I don't have the coupon with me because it's at home. Can I use it anyway?"

Is that really how you think it works? Just think about it for a second. No. The answer is no.

3. "I know this coupon expired yesterday, but can I still use it today?"

As my girl Jojo would say "too little too late". You literally had a month to use this coupon. You should have come yesterday if you wanted to use it.

4. "Do you have any more of this in the back?"

Maybe? How many workers did you ask before me? If three of my co-workers already told you "no," then why are you still asking?

5. "Is it cheaper if I order this online?"

I don't work at the online store, I work in-store. You would have to check on our website to see the deals that are happening currently for that item.

6. "Swipe or chip?"

The screen literally tells you what to do to. Just look down and read the words on the pin-pad.

7. "Can you break my $50?"

Did you really just wait in line at the checkout just to ask that? Do we look like a bank?

8. "Just looking."

You. are. never. just. looking. Let me help you so you can get exactly what you need!

9. "I don't need any help."

Okay, then don't come crying to me when you can't find your size or need me to unlock a dressing room.

10. "I need a dressing room."

Oh now you want my help!

11. "Haha! Sucks that you have to be working today!"

You will hear this whenever it is a nice day out or it is a holiday. Yes, it does suck that I have to work today, but the only reason I am working on this fine holiday is because YOU are shopping on a holiday.

12. "This top probably looks so much better on you than me. I'm fat, haha."

UGH. What an uncomfortable situation you have put me in. Try the next size up I guess?

13. "Where did you get your top? Is it from here?"

Yes, it is from here. But three seasons ago, I'll help you find something similar.

14. "Oh, your top isn't from here? You shouldn't wear it here then."

I will add that to my list of "Things I will never do."

15. "It must be dangerous for you to work here with all these deals!"

Haha, no not really because I have bills to pay and mouths to feed!

16. *Asks name for fitting room* "I would prefer not to say."

I can't stalk you if you don't give me your last name, if that's what you're worried about. Make up a name. I have to put something on the door.

17. "Can I exchange my gift cards for cash?"

I have no words for this one.

18. *Asks for email address at checkout* "Um, you already have it."

Great! But we ask for it every time to send you a copy of your receipt.

19. "What time does the mall close?"

And they ALWAYS ask either five minutes before it closes or five minutes after it closes.

20. "Are the prices going to be the same tomorrow? When does this sale end?"

My guess is as good as yours. I don't make the rules, corporate does.

21. "Can I have a bag?"

Only paying customers receive bags, otherwise we will just assume you're a shoplifter.

22. "I am NEVER shopping here again!"

Oh darn. I think we will survive. Also, see you next week!

23. "I don't have my receipt or the tags but can I still return this?"

I still don't understand why anyone thinks this is okay. Also, give us your email next time and you'll automatically get your receipt so this doesn't happen.

24. *Customer doesn't get their way* "Every other store I go to can do that for me, why can't you?"

Because we are not that store. We are this store. Here is what I can do for you, if you let me.

25. "How's your day been? Mine's been good because I don't have to work today!"

Lucky you?

26. "Do you work here?"

Yes. Who else would be sizing the jeans?

27. *Customer tells you their life story at checkout*

Sorry about your divorce, your total is $25.97.

28. "Can I speak to the manager?"

Hi! I am the manager! Yes, me. Let's chat.

29. *Customer shields pin from you at checkout*

What am I going to do? Reach over the counter and grab your card?

30. "Oh, it didn't scan? It must be free!"

OMG! You're so right!

31. *Customer asks you a question after you clocked out*

Darn! Just missed out.