I had a great Mother's Day, although I was impatient and probably super annoying and unpredictable… the girls and I laughed a lot and partied hard! Mother's Day night was a part of my journey that saw the next chapter creeping in. Alone, in a cold apartment, BY MY CHOICE (I'm working on that alone thing) surrounded by good and bad memories of my mistakes but also my success as well! If I take anything from this chapter, I will be happy to wrap my arms around Leah again. I've missed her! It was humbling to read all the letters over the years to and from! Some of the familiar words that have replayed by God's grace are the words of others...
"God has a plan for you, All your choices have good and bad consequences, Keep the faith, Free spirited, Single minded yet knew her own mind, Loving and kind but tinder hearted, Very protective of her brothers, The girl who can run with the boys and know the fine line, It is not your fault what someone took from you, You will live with the terrible mistake you made if you face it, Don't fall for every guy who throws the "L" word around, Smile your sunny smile, Power to be be true to yourself, Take the high road, Every cloud has a silver lining, Find happiness and fill you heart and make your world complete, I love you."
Thank you all so much who have watched me grow these last 29 years! I am sorry if I hurt you, creating healthy boundaries is not rejection, it is just as hard on me as it may be on you! None of you know more than the other or need to feel like one has answers. I am my own crown or thorns, I take risks but my love for each of you will NEVER change! I really do love to see you happy and want to lift you up and cheer you on!
So apart of my next chapter I want you all to help me… I really do want world peace, and I want to see the good in all of you create just that!
I don't have to tell you, you know what to do… For me, be honest no matter how ugly it is, be compassionate, be understanding, hug anyway, make eye contact with the people who mean the most, pray for them when you don’t want to.
If you don't that is fine… I don't know how you can hate from outside the club…You can't even get in! 😉 I feel bad for victimizing lost dark souls that are eat up with bitterness and just naystay!
Girls, my God I love you! I may not be the best mother but I hope I can set an example of how to change the world one person/animal at a time! God walks with you I promise! Don’t forget to smile and find the humor!