Thanksgiving break comes at the perfect time for college students, giving them a much needed break to detox from pulling all-nighters at the library and at the bar. After what seemed like an endless amount of tests to study for and shots of tequila to take, mom’s home -ooked (or store bought) meals and "The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2" is exactly what they need to rejuvenate. But coming home for the holidays is more than just giving thanks for finally being able to take a break from working hard and playing harder…
It’s about giving thanks for being able to take a week off from shaving. At school, you never know when you might get lucky, so you take precaution and always keep the hedges trimmed (unless you never shave because you’re one of those feminists or it’s your strategy for keeping yourself from hooking up with someone). Being home with family means letting your carpet match the drapes in the length, and allows for a nice smooth shave upon returning to campus.
It’s about giving thanks for the (free) home-cooked meals. If you’re in a sorority or a fraternity, the meals you’re fed by the kitchen staff are pretty mediocre, unless you’re paying a billion dollars in dues. It’s hard to find a college student that consumes a well balanced meal on a daily basis, but Thanksgiving break implies at least one scrumptious meal that will keep you as stuffed as the turkey you devoured.
It’s about giving thanks for Dunkin’ Donuts pumpkin muffins. This might only be applicable for students at Indiana University who are forced to become Starbucks customers, but as soon as they get the chance, they return their coffee loyalty to DD. Pumpkin muffins from Dunkin Donuts are so good they make you forget you haven’t been laid in weeks because it’s practically an orgasm inside your mouth.
It’s about giving thanks for not stressing out about that ca$h flow. If you’re not a broke ass college student, then you’re doing it all wrong. You don’t get to learn how to stretch four dollars to last you a week, and you don’t get the opportunity to learn the value of the dollar. You also don’t get to buy your cake and eat it too. Leaving the college lifestyle helps young adults appreciate their parents' hard work and not have to budget their money or spend a dime on anything (minus explicit materials not suitable for children).
It’s about giving thanks for your drug dealer. Realizing how difficult it is to find a supplier with the prices you want as soon as you come home for break makes you thankful for your dealer back at school. Let them know how appreciative you are for always having your back by surprising them with a bouquet of roses the next time you pick up!
It’s about giving thanks for not having to sleep in a cold dorm (applicable only for members of Greek houses that keep the creepy cold dorm tradition alive). Thanksgiving break means finally being able to sleep in a queen sized bed that is neither in a dark nor cold room. Escaping the cold dorm also means being able to set alarms for as loud as you like, and watching Snapchat stories at night without having to use headphones.
It’s about giving thanks for free transportation. If you’re a city kid, coming home means being able to take public transportation everywhere, but it also means having to spend money on it. If you’re a suburban kid, coming home means having to pay share the car with your siblings. At school, transportation is absolutely free, even if it means having your friend drive you everywhere. Coming home for break reminds students how thankful they are for being able to travel around campus without having to constantly refill the gas tank or metro card.
It’s about giving thanks for not having to shower every day. Thanksgiving break is all about spending time with family, and the great thing about family members is that you don’t have to impress them. At school, the probability of interacting with someone who you do care to impress is much higher than at home, so there is no leeway for skipping a shower. Home is where the heart is, and it’s also where you can lock yourself up for days on end without having to groom yourself.
It’s about giving thanks for your booty calls. Some people are lucky enough to have a little black book full of people they can hit up for a GT in every state, but others aren’t so fortunate. Leaving college proves that convincing someone to have sex with you in the real world is actually extremely difficult. Being celibate for a week makes you really appreciate your booty calls at school, but not enough to actually date them.
