By some annoying twist of fate you, like myself, are grown to the monumental height somewhere below 5' 4''. Aren't we lucky? I'm 4'9''. So yes, I'm a legal midget. I'll put it on my driver's license one day. For all my fellow fun-sized friends, there are a few things we know all too well.
Thinking outside the box.
Naturally everything I'm looking for is on the top shelf, just out of reach. But us micro-men have too much pride to ask the next, averaged-sized passerby to get it for us. Possible solutions include: Jumping like we're performing a tribal rain dance, climbing the lower shelves like Mt. Everest, or using a stick to tease it down. So what if we look mental while doing it? Here's everything I, and every other short person, has had to face
Condescension.
Just because I'm the same size as a fourth grader, doesn't make me a child. For instance, one day I left my ID in my dorm, and when I asked security if "I could just head up to class," he responded, with a self-righteous smirk that I wanted to smack off his face. "No."
Oh, how I long to the squint my eyes and hiss, "Don't patronize me, bozo!" to every fool who tries it.
We're so adorable! (Apparently.)
I promise you I could commit forgery, walk around with a loaded shotgun, or become the next global dictator and enslave humanity. Then as my victims beg for mercy surrounded by the flames of hell on earth, they will see my size four feet and puny hands that caused their demise, and shriek, "Look how small her feet are!" "She's so cute!" "I just want to squish her!"
Shopping is cruel.
Nothing fits right. Those cute yoga pants are too long. That sweet blouse looks too baggy. The to-die-for shoes are five sizes too large. At least I can get cheap, cute clothes from the Children's Place and GAP baby.
Getting noticed.
I'm tiny, not invisible! When you get off your pedestal of normal height, you might realize that you are about to crash into me. Learn to walk, bozo! Also, get down in front! I can't see over your oversized body! You better not block me in pictures! And if you value your life, you will not dare use me like a freakin' armrest. I'll go apeshit on your ass!
"Creative" nickname cliches.
I've heard them all.
Shorty, Shortstop, Puny, Shorty-mic-short-shorts, Half-pint, Squirt, Pixi, Munchkin, Oompa Loompa, Little Thing, Miniature poodle (for some reason), Armrest, Tiny thing, Small fry, and my personal favorite, Itty-Bitty.
Short people of the world, unite!
