Trying to help someone with an anxiety disorder can be quite difficult, especially because every person copes with it differently. No matter how hard it seems, though, know that we are very grateful for your help. However, it is important to point out the fact that there are certain things a person can say that will only make matters worse in a bad situation. While you may have not meant to do any harm, sometimes it can be hard for a person with an anxiety disorder to see it that way. So, in attempt to help all my mental health allies, here are some of the worst things you can say to someone with an anxiety disorder:
1. "You're overreacting"
This is the equivalent of telling someone with a stab wound that they're bleeding too much. Mental illnesses, just like any other illness, are an uncontrollable, physical condition. Sure, to you it may seem as though we are "freaking out over nothin," but I can promise you, it definitely isn't "nothing" to us. A stressor as simple as homework can lead to the stress level equivalent of having someone hold a gun to your head. If you think this is an over exaggeration, then go ahead and read this paragraph one more time.
2. "You were just happy last week/yesterday/an hour ago"
Trust us, we know. We wish that our happiness could be permanent. One of the struggles of anxiety disorders is that you can have an attack at any given moment. Sometimes it feels as if our attacks wait until we've reached an amazingly happy state before coming full force again. So yes, it is very important for us to have those uplifting moments, but only point that out while we are in one of those moments. Because comparing our current struggle to our recently departed happiness just reminds us that we've plummeted once again.
3. "You're being lazy"
Being confined to your bed because you're too anxious to walk out of your room is not being lazy. Cancelling plans with friends because you're too anxious to be in public is not being lazy. Missing practice because you're terrified of disappointing your coach is not being lazy. An anxiety disorder can make the most outgoing people stay in bed for a week straight, and it's not because they're lazy.
4. "Everyone deals with anxiety"
This is similar to telling someone with depression that everyone gets sad. Yes, everyone deals with daily stressors such as school, work, family, relationships, etc. And of course, bigger stressors do appear in everyone's lives from time to time. While this is true, statements like thi only belittles our struggles. This definitely isn't to take away from anyone's stress; however, it needs to be recognized that regular human stress and an anxiety disorder are basically incomparable.
5. "You're stressing me out"
Please, I'm begging you, never say this. I cringe just typing that out. Those who suffer from anxiety disorders, and even other mental disorders too, already feel like they are a huge burden on the lives of those around them. This can often cause us to shut people out, which honestly can make matters worse. We feel bad enough that we have to ask you to be here for us, so please don't mention how hard it is for you. Also, if we happen to be in the middle of an attack, never bring the attention onto yourself. This may seem rude, but if we are trusting you enough to see us at our most vulnerable state, just please be there for us.
When helping someone with an anxiety disorder, it is crucial to put a bit of extra thought into what you say before you say it. It may seem like tedious work, but it can literally mean the world to that person. It is somewhat hard to determine what you should say to someone dealing with an anxiety disorder. The one statement that is always safe, though, is "How can I help you?"
Before I end this writing, I would just like to thank everyone who has ever helped me on my journey with two anxiety disorders. I literally wouldn't be here today without you. I don't think I could ever thank you guys enough. I love you all.
