Swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, (Facebook notification) swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, (text message) swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, (tweet) swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe. That's our society folks. The beautiful digital world we live in.

Now I don't mean to sound like a complete cynic, but in my inconsequential opinion, technology is slowly suffocating our society as a whole. That's not to say that I think technology is a bad thing by any means. Clearly it shows our innovation as the most intelligent beings on the planet, but as intelligent as we are, we are getting dumber and dumber. Generally speaking, people can't (or won't) do anything anymore without their phones or some sort of digital device. Communication has become superficial. We may be connected to more people than ever before, but never before have we been so disconnected from each other as a whole. Kids are receiving cell phones at nine and 10 years-old now. Think about that...most of their cognitive memory is going to involve them relying on some sort of digital device. I was seventeen before I had my first phone, and that was a basic flip phone with T9 texting on it. The idea of an all encompassing touch screen device that will talk to you when you ask it questions (I'm looking at you Siri, you creepy precursor to Skynet) still would have sounded like science fiction as far as I was concerned. Now, before I continue ranting on, I will say that I have never been very proficient with technology. So for all of those who are going to get offended because you think I am making fun of you, just see me trying to get my internet to work, and you are more than welcome to roast me for my ignorance and inability to operate in the 21st century. Either way, it has at least fueled my vexation.

This over-reliance on technology is not only an affliction of the current generation – it has carried over and corrupted the older generations also. I know an almost 50-year-old man who uses his GPS to get to work everyday...IN THE TOWN HE LIVES IN! I mean, I don't have the greatest sense of direction, I'll admit that, but eventually I will find my way there. Especially in the seven cities of Hampton Roads. If you pay attention to street signs, it is actually pretty easy to find where you are going (who would have known?).

I work as a bartender in a restaurant, a very nice one at that. There is nothing more irritating than waiting on a table and the entire family is buried into some sort of digital device. The parents are swiping away at their smartphones on social media, one child is texting, and the other is watching a cartoon on a tablet. Just trying to get someone's attention is a task. I mean, really, is a little eye-contact so much to ask for? Can you peal yourself away from your digital fortress for just a minute and give me some good ole' fashioned conversation? When I am bartending, there will be times when the bar is almost full, and yet not one conversation is to be had. Everyone is looking at their phones. I thought the point of sitting at a bar was to enjoy the company of others. When people find out that the restaurant I work at does not have Wi-Fi, they get legitimately angry with me (because naturally it is my fault). How dare I not have a way for you to surf the internet while you consume your food? Clearly, I'm a horrible person.

Despite the fact that I have spent a considerable amount of words chastising the older generation for giving into this and contributing to the problem, they are not the ones that I am worried about. It is my generation and those that came after us that absolutely terrify me. At least the older ones lived in a time before this technology and operated successfully(ish). If my 73-year-old Father wants to use a GPS for a trip, that's one thing, because he has driven across the country before with nothing but a map. The idea of that alone is enough to give most millennials a panic attack.

I really don't mean to sound like I am on my high horse and coming down with some sort of judgement on the rest of the world and its addictions to technology. It just saddens me to no end that we have so many new and interesting ways of communication, and yet people don't know how to talk to one another. According to Statisiticbrain.com, 74 percent of people have some sort of anxiety when it comes to public speaking, and I am inclined to believe that all of this is related. Especially since I have a friend that did her public speaking class online...I'm going to let that one sink in for a bit. If you understand how that even remotely makes any sense, please educate me, because I've got nothing. Don't even get me started on the bastardization of the English language when it comes to all of this. Whether it is the integration of texting acronyms into spoken word or the severe lack of grammar and punctuation thanks to the culture of instant messaging, we are single-handedly destroying the lexicon of the King's English. But hey, who needs to know this stuff anymore when we have phones that will automatically correct all of this for us? It's not like we need cursive anymore.

I truly believe that everything is alright in moderation. I also believe that technology in itself is a beautiful thing. It has helped us evolve and grow as a society, but spoiler alert: human beings cannot moderate themselves. We are a species of excess, and moderation is a word that, historically speaking, we have never had a close relationship with. We are so reliant on it that if something happened and we lost our precious technology, human beings as a whole would collectively lose their sh*t. Governments would fall, missiles could be launched, and we wouldn't know what is happening with the Kardashians (oh the horror)!

Just to make it clear to everyone who is now feeling really self-conscious about their technological addictions, I recognize this is how the world is now. I know that at some point I'm going to have to hop off of my ivory tower, give up my phone with actual buttons and join the rest of the 21st century in the zombie apocalypse we now live in. There is no going back. Me wanting to be a writer no longer consists of sitting by the typewriter with a cigarette and a nice scotch; now it's more tweeting what is going on around me while I try not to stick my head in an oven for being such a sell-out. But maybe I am being too hard on it all. Maybe my cynicism has gone a step too far. Maybe it's not so bad, and I am just so blinded by my own convictions and judgement that I am not giving it a fair shot. Aw hell, I suppose I'll give it a try...

OMG! like for realz this was totes awesome af cant wait 2 talk to u again!! lololololz <33

#ijustdiedalittleinside