12 Stages Of Coming Out As Told By Kristen Wiig
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Politics and Activism

12 Stages Of Coming Out As Told By Kristen Wiig

From deep in the closet to out and proud.

12 Stages Of Coming Out As Told By Kristen Wiig

We've all heard the horror stories of people that came out of the closet to their friends and family but were disowned and insulted. Fortunately for me, for the most part, I had a pretty positive experience. The night I told my entire sorority chapter that I'm bisexual is still the best day of my life. Everybody's coming out story is different, this is just how it went for me.

12 Stages of Coming Out as Told by Kristen Wiig

1. Denial

Before I accepted the gay part of myself for what it was, I thought I just had "girl crushes." Google defines this term as "an intense and typically non-sexual liking or admiration felt by one woman or girl for another." I never let myself think that maybe these crushes meant that I was attracted to women. I told my self they were totally non-sexual.

2. Maybe?

What really confused me was that I knew I liked guys and I never considered the possibility of bisexuality until later on. One particular strong crush I had freshman year of high school made me think for a second that I could possibly be lesbian, but I quickly repressed that thought.

3. Accepting it but hating it

One night early on in high school, I bolted awake from a dream that I was at a party and kissed some random popular girl from school. I hated myself for having that dream. The following week at school I couldn't get it out of my head and I forced myself to finally accept it for what it really was. I hated myself for being different for years after that.

4. Actually accepting it but hating the world for being prejudiced and stupid

A few months before I graduated high school I finally started loving myself again and realizing it was okay to not be straight. But, I went through a cynical period where I hated the world for being prejudiced. How could anyone think that gay marriage shouldn't be legal or that gay couples can't adopt children? I grew up in the Catholic school system in a very Catholic area so my whole life I was told that gayness is a sin. I started resenting my parents for sending me to such a bigoted institution. (I'm now okay with it and realize most Catholics have no problem with gays).

5. Analyzing every single person you know to figure out if they'd hate you if you told them

This didn't do anything for me, it just made me paranoid. The people that I thought would respond most positively were the ones that reacted negatively and the people I thought would be iffy about it ended up being the most accepting.

6. Crying a lot at the thought of telling someone

I was terrified of telling anyone because I didn't want anyone to treat me differently. I didn't want to lose friends and I didn't want girls to think I was hitting on them if I was just being nice. I did lose one friend after coming out. She just flat out stopped talking to me.

7. Telling your first friend in a tearful mess

When I came out for the first time I actually didn't mean to. I had my lacrosse team over for a little party and after a few drinks I was in the fetal position on my basement floor bawling my eyes out and repeating "the world sucks". The next morning I didn't remember what happened right away. Thank you to my teammates who held me and told me it was okay.

8. Telling your family

My brothers were really cool about it when I told them. My mom reacted negatively at first because she didn't understand how I could like both sexes, but she eventually came around. I never got around to telling my dad because I was scared he might do something drastic like take away my tuition or something. He's very unpredictable. He eventually found out from word of mouth but we never talk about it so I guess he's okay with it?

9. Going Public

For me, this involved an Insta post with my girlfriend and telling my whole sorority at a candle pass (where everyone gets a chance to speak; these usually get pretty deep and emotional). I felt like a fool because I broke out in tears but after I was done talking, girls lined up to hug me. I got many uplifting and supportive texts that night. To those who reached out to me, you'll never know how much those words mean to me. I still have them saved.

10. Getting those inappropriate questions

After I told my friends, a few of them asked those questions that they don't realize are borderline bigotry. "How is lesbian sex even considered real sex?" "Are you sure you like girls? Don't you think this is just a phase?" "Who's the man in the relationship?" "How can you like both??" It's fine if you have questions, but please get a filter in your brain.

11. Finally feeling comfortable

After publicly coming out I soon became comfortable enough with my friends to talk about girls just like I would talk about boys. I also finally stopped fearing what people would think of me. If someone thinks negatively of me because of my sexuality, they aren't a person I want to know anyway.

12. Realizing you have to come out way more than once

Unless you're a celebrity, you'll end up having to come out to most new people you meet. New coworkers and employers, classmates, friends, roommates, and so on.

After you come out, it feels like you just lifted a huge load off your shoulders. It feels amazing to not harbor that deep dark secret anymore, to be able to be your true self in front of the people you love.

Shout out to my best friend for getting me through the emotional roller coaster of coming out. I wouldn't have been able to do it without you

All GIFs in this article were found on http://giphy.com/

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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