Feeling confident about your appearance isn’t always an easy feat. Most of us have something about ourselves that we would change if we could. Still, we put on our best face and go out into the world with our heads held high. On the flip-side, overconfidence and vanity are hands down a complete turn-off. One could be strikingly gorgeous with perfect features and a great body, but if they have an “I’m better than you because I’m beautiful attitude", they may as well be a troll. To me the most beautiful people are the ones that radiate beauty from within, intensifying their alluring good looks. This quality easily turns an attractive person into a stunning individual. However, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and to each his own.
I like to think I rest comfortably somewhere in the middle. I don’t think I’ll be winning any confidence awards anytime soon, and would rather cut off my arms than to give off the vibe that I am better than someone. Still, I don’t feel that I’d be scaring little children away either.
That being said, there is an aspect in the laws of attraction that I’m not so crazy about. It is one thing for someone to give another a random simple compliment. This sort of thoughtfulness makes you feel good and typically puts a smile on your face. It is quite another however, to overstep the bounds of individual personal limits. The lines of common decency, courtesy, and even sense however are not exactly clear cut for all people. Concerns range from just over the line of comfort to downright disgustingly offensive.
Case and point, the infamous cat-caller. This is a sad soul that has nothing better to do than to assault people with indecencies as they pass by. They will callously and blatantly give the person a visual once over as they spew their inappropriate and unwelcomed comments. I wonder if they think that will actually ever work, and better still, would like to see what happens if the person decided to step up to them. My guess is that the pathetic poser would suddenly turn a timid mess and trip on themselves as they tried to get away.
Then there’s the presumptuous co-worker that believes that having the same employer gives them the right to call you cutesy names typically reserved for a significant other. Unless you are involved in an intimate relationship, the terms “babe, baby, and baby-girl” are entirely inapt and only leave the recipient with a nauseatingly icky feeling. Furthermore, there is the inevitable “When am I taking you out babe?” question that presents itself with an accompanying arm around the shoulders. This could very well end up as a cause for termination, after a straight shot to the jaw.
Lastly, there are those that quickly glance over a profile picture, then take it upon themselves to immediately begin a line of inappropriate questioning. “Are you married?” or “Do you have kids?” and “How many kids?” By the time you figure out if they even know or don’t know you, or which of your friends you may have mutually, they are talking about a romantic relationship. You’re quickly in a state of confusion and trying to wrap your head around the whirlwind of implications. Without an ounce of knowledge of your circumstances, preferences, or feelings, they sidestep the pleasantries and go in for the kill. What if you are a victim of domestic or any abuse of that nature? The outwardly forward advances are then hurtful and upsetting. What the actual hell makes one think that this is acceptable? I understand that in today’s world meeting people can be tough, and for some quite overwhelming. Therefore, millions have taken to the internet to search in the comfort of their own home, tucked securely behind a screen. This factor sadly, is what helps to give the person the audacity to pursue in such an ill-considered, carefree manner.
Some say that it is complimentary and that the people experiencing it have nothing to complain about. The deluded reasoning is that not everyone gets the same attention and some would gladly welcome it. Reasoning which I confute for the fact that not all attention is good attention, and people shouldn't have to just deal with it because others find them attractive or unattractive. I don't know which side of the fence would feel worse; but being objectified is infuriating, and I don’t think anyone “deserves” to be subjected to it because of how they look.
http://www.mirabellejones.com/toskinacatcaller/
"For eight hours, I will be confined to walking around the edges of the tiny window gallery listening to them echo over and over again through a loud speaker that blares out on to the street. I will hear each one of the 200 catcalls 48 times throughout the performance. Every hour, I will experience new constraints to symbolize threats of violence. My clothes will be removed. My hands will be bound. At one point I will be blind folded. Every hour, over-sized balloons representative of bodies with catcalls scrawled across them and razor blades dangling just above my head will be added to the room, limiting the space in which I am free to move and increasing the hostility of the environment around me. Eventually, razor blades will be added to the floor. Like people do everyday on the streets, I will have to make decisions about what spaces in the gallery are still safe for me to move in without coming too close to violence to escape it.
As the balloons begin to fill the gallery, marking the beginning of the performance, I prepare myself to the very real sensations I know can come from street harassment: loss of safety, fear, confinement, being trapped, exhaustion, lack of esteem, lack of confidence, body dysmorphia and other body image disorders, agoraphobia, depression, anger, lack of agency, feeling gaslighted, feeling ugly, wanting to hurt someone, wanting to hide, wanting to disappear".
~Mirabelle Jones
