Dating is hard, especially when you’re a girl who likes girls. The lesbian dating pool is already small to begin with, and on top of that, we're pretty lazy. So lazy that we end up dating everyone in our friend group, because we can’t be bothered to go out and find someone new. Why would we need to when all of our friends are into girls, anyway? But once you run out of friends, what do you do? You can’t go to gay bars, because those are overrun with straight girls who come with their friends so guys don’t hit on them (tragic). You can’t simply meet someone in a coffee shop or at a bookstore, like straight people can.
Do what we all do, turn to Tinder.
Don’t get me wrong, Tinder is a great place to meet people. I’ve made friends and have even had some pretty fun dates with girls from Tinder. But, journey through the mess that is Tinder, and you discover that there are certain types of girls on there:
The One With Baggage
She has a lot of exes, or maybe she’s just coming out of a long-term relationship. Either way, she’s emotional. You’ll go on a date or two, and throughout, she’ll bring up her exes an uncomfortable amount of times. She might even yell at you a couple of times, because she has a lot of built up anger. By the end of the date, she’ll try to make it up by offering to sleep with you.
The Clinger
She’s nice, pretty, and even pays for the date. During the date, everything seems normal. After your last date with crazy, you’ll find her refreshing. But it’s what happens after the date that matters. She’ll text you nonstop, and if you don’t respond in the allotted five minutes, she’ll get mad at you. She seems to think that after one date, you’re in a committed, long-term relationship. How could that possibly be? You’ve had one date! She can’t possibly think after one date that you’ll be together forever? This one you’ll have to let down easy.
The One Who’s Looking For a Threesome
She wants to "surprise" her boyfriend. Guess what? The surprise is you. You’ll have a nice conversation, maybe even go out on a date before you realize she’s not into girls at all. The moment she asks if you’d be interested in a threesome with her boyfriend is the moment you lose all faith in ever finding a girlfriend.
The Ghost
This one you really like. You go out on a date, it goes pretty well. You have a fun time and you think you click really well. All signs are pointing towards a second date. After the date, you’ll text her saying you had a fun time. She’ll read it, but won’t respond. A few days later, you’ll send a simple “Hey!” text. Again, she’ll read it, but won’t respond. Why would you have your read receipt on anyway if you’re not going to respond? She’ll probably never talk to you again. This one stings a little.
The Flake
She’ll continuously say, “We have to hang out sometime!” But, when you try to make plans, she’s always busy. Or even better, once you make plans, she’ll come up with some excuse last minute as to why she can’t come. You’ll never actually meet her.
The Closet Case
On your first date, she insists that you both spend the night in together. At first, you think it’s just the way she is. It’s romantic, of course, spending the night in together without anyone interrupting you. “Want to get coffee?” you ask. “Why would we need to go out to get it when we can make it here?” This will happen on multiple occasions before you realize she never wants to go out. Why, you may ask? Oh, it’s because she’s in the closet. Great.
The Straight Girl
Ah yes, any lesbian’s worst nightmare: the straight girl. “You’re the only girl I’ve ever liked!” she says. She won’t kiss you, or even hold your hand for that matter. Does she even like girls? Probably not. You’ll go out on a couple of dates before she says she just wants to be friends. You’ll then see her go out on multiple dates with boys and get a tiny bit jealous. Why was she on Tinder, anyway? This one you never really get over.
