Your first is always the most difficult one to let go. Whether it is a first kiss, first relationship, first time or all three, having to say goodbye to someone you gave your heart to and spent your time thinking and dreaming about can be almost impossible to do. If you’re the one saying goodbye first, congratulations, you must have realized that this person is no longer right for you and you have the courage and the strength to do what you think is best and to move on. But if you are on the receiving end of the goodbye, if you think everything is going well and that nothing can tear you two apart or if you know things are going downhill but you refuse to lose hope and wish that somehow, some way your relationships will regain its momentum, then hearing the person you like—maybe even love—say that you aren’t right for them feels like a dagger of ice piercing your heart.

You can hate that person or you can accept that the relationship is over; you can cry and curse or you can hold your head up high and put one foot in front of the other. When my heart was broken by the man who was my first, I let the pain swallow me up. I knew this person was no good for me, but did that stop me from falling in love? Absolutely not. It’s a part of human nature to fall in and out of love, but it wasn’t until he ended things that I realized how much energy and emotion I put into building a relationship with someone who was not interested in being tied down. We weren’t even dating, but I truly wanted our relationship to last. When he finally admitted that he didn’t want the same, I was disappointed more than anything else. At first, I thought I’d be fine since I knew the end was approaching, but when my disappointment turned into sadness, it occurred to me that I was in love, and that love was blown out in an instant.

When you’re hurting, how do you move on? How do you make yourself feel better? For me, I pretended that I was fine and that seeing him didn’t kill me. Avoiding him for a while helped, but that didn’t prevent my thoughts of him from breaking my heart even more. I vented to friends who tried to comfort me, which helped temporarily. But the real solution? Time. All I needed was time to get over my feelings. Yes, I had to endure the struggles of heartbreak for what seemed like forever, but broken hearts are like battle wounds: eventually time will heal those wounds. There may still be scars, but, eventually, you accept reality and move forward with your life.

My heart is not something that can be played with. It may beat strong and steady but there are times when it is fragile and more susceptible to being broken. This only happens when someone else is holding it. I may give my heart away too easily, thinking this person will be gentle, but when my heart is torn in two, I learn real quickly that I need to protect my heart when it comes to relationships. I know now that there is no avoiding the emotional rollercoaster of being in love with someone, and I can expect to be hurt again, but after experiencing heartbreak, I know that good vibes, good friends and time are what I need to move toward a brighter tomorrow.