Being nonverbal can be so depressing. You have all these things you want to say but physically can't, and no one understands what you want or how you feel. It's so frustrating. Fortunately, this is not me but, unfortunately, this is the everyday life of my 5-year-old son Christian. He was diagnosed with autism at 3 years old and has yet to be able to call me mommy.

I've always been the level-headed one of the family who looked at everything realistically and searched for solutions. I always wanted to know why. But when my husband and I found out that Christian was autistic, there really was no why to find out since research leaves it a mystery. Instead, I focused on what the next steps were to help him. My husband was speechless, upset, and it was a bit surreal for him. However, I was eager to do whatever was necessary short of medication. Super-mom mode activated!

Then the reality of waiting lists set in. We had to wait to get him into therapy, but Christian's life wasn't going to stop just because he didn't have a therapist right then. So I read, I learned, and when he finally started speech therapy, he prospered. Now, fast-forward to present day where his speech therapy has been placed on pause and he's learning in occupational therapy. He's still doing well, but he just can't verbalize. We know it's in him because he's had a few words here and there, but it's stopped.

His counting has gone from sounds of numbers to random noises and skipping numbers. He gives no feedback in trying to learn new words and sounds and doesn't even participate in an alphabet game that he started. Regression at its finest. With all the eagerness and strength I had before, I found this discouraging. In fact, I try to prepare myself for the realization that he may never learn to speak. And it was this thought that drove me into such a depression that I couldn't even look at my child without wanting to cry.

What many people don't know is that when you have one child with autism, your chances of having another child with it skyrockets. How paranoid can that make a parent? Pretty damned paranoid. So much so that everything that Christian's baby brother does is being watched and calculated.

I get so worried that he won't speak either that I judge his development based on other babies his age. Truthfully, I use them as a blueprint. I know I shouldn't, but I worry that neither of my kids will have a typical life.

Out of all of Christian's challenges, I think that his inability to speak is the hardest one to live with. It's not just hard for his parents but for him as well because he's trying so hard to communicate but we just don't get it much of the time. These are the moments I have to remind myself that things take time, especially good things. And the progress he's already made is nothing short of amazing.

For more information about autism and resources, visit www.autismspeaks.org.