Winter break is over, syllabus week has passed, and life is back in the swing of things. For those of us in sororities, this means the start of something else — date function season. These events are something to really look forward to. But unless you’re the girl who already has her picture-perfect boyfriend to bring, you know the juxtaposing feelings of excitement and anxiety that accompany each function. Although you want to be shopping with your sisters and planning the details of the night, your mind is plagued by the ever-present question: who will be my date?! Finding a date is an arduous, trying process that brings out the best, worst, and craziest parts of our personalities.
Finding out about a function
Your social chair announces at Chapter that you have a function coming up this month. Yay! Oh, and dates are due in two weeks. She can't be serious...
Your roommates assure you that two weeks is plenty of time to find a date. In fact, you guys are such sensible adults that you break out the white board and make a list of potential suitors right then and there.
Delusional hope
The plan is going great! In fact, you have about seven names on this list. Hello, options! And you thought finding a date would be hard.
Reality check
Upon second thought, you realize that four out of the seven boys on this list don't even know you exist. So what if "cute guy in line at grocery store" doesn't count? You still have three more options. Until your roommate points out that your math professor probably isn't a good option, either. Which frankly breaks your heart, since you had the perfect pick up line to ask.
"Hey um Mr. Thompson, I have a question about functions... want to go to mine with me?"
Okay, so you're down to the final two. The boy you took to the last function, and your lifelong crush. You don't really want to take the same guy again and give him the wrong idea. And your lifelong crush... yeah, right. Keep dreaming.
Guy best friend
You realize you could just take your guy best friend! Whew, crisis averted. Unfortunately, and rather suspiciously, he already has "very important" plans for that night. This is code for "I'd rather be hanging out with my bros than taking 'candid' pictures of you and your sisters all night." Or worse, maybe he's already going with one of your friends. Time to find some new guy friends.
You consider taking a random
Your friend's boyfriend's roommate's classmate John is single and wants to go... You ask your friend if he's cute, to which she replies, "well... he's really nice!!"
Realizing dates are due in two days
That's 48 hours. How are you supposed to find a date in two days?! Maybe you'll just take a close girl friend. But you'd really rather take a boy. Are you too old to take a pledge? (Hint: if you have to ask yourself this, the answer is yes.) You text all your other perpetually single friends, only to find out they already have dates. HOW DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN?!
Time for the extremes
You consider posting flyers. Maybe have guys submit applications? Panic. Ask every boy you see out that night followed by a "just kidding... Unless you want to. If you want to we could. But if not I'm totally joking."
Twenty. Four. Hours.
Wake up in the morning to a text from a random number saying "hey luv 2 b ur date, thx 4 invite." You realize you may or may not have invited the Uber driver in a state of delusion and panic. To save yourself from this scenario and maintain some level of dignity you realize you're going to have to do it. You are going to text a boy and ask him to your function. You scroll through your contacts and select the victim. Truthfully, you've known the entire time it has all been leading to this moment. Fingers shaking, you compose a text message that is then carefully screened and approved by three or more of your closest friends. Finally, you hit send (or have a friend do it for you), throw your phone across the room, and instantly hate yourself/regret asking. Minutes, hours, it seems like days later, he replies. "Sure, sounds fun. Let's go."
THERE IS A GOD.
You are so #BLESSED.
